Participate in My Nonsense

25+ Random Facts About Me

2009-02-09T15:10:00.004-05:00

Originally posted on my Facebook profile...

You all know the drill by now so I don't feel like I need to post the instructions. In fact, I'm probably one of the last people on Facebook to go through this exercise until it cycles around again in about 18 months. It's taken me many days to compile this list and I did so in my current notebook (#14).

If I tagged you, it's either because you tagged me and I'm respecting the rules (which I have not included. See above.), because I think you might be interested in what I've written, or because one of these items has/had something to do with you. Feel free to comment. I'd love the feedback.

1. Pennsylvania is my 50th favorite state.
2. My son is the same age I was when I had my first kiss.
3. I often get Alice in Wonderland Syndrome and have ever since I was a kid. I also have sleep apnea and Epstein-Barr Syndrome (recurrences of mono because of prolonged stress or if I don't take care of myself).
4. I started shaving my head when I was going to audition for a band and knew they wouldn't want someone with thinning hair.
5. I find myself constantly battling being impulsive and undisciplined. I think I've been winning lately more often than not.
6. I often wish I were as fun and likable as I used to be.
7. I think I alternate between being an extrovert and an introvert.
8. I have a large collection of playing cards. I also still have my collection of Garbage Pail Kids from when I was a little fella.
9. I would quit my job to be in a band if it were financially feasible. (I think I'm good enough.)
10. I blame my somewhat short fuse and impatience on years of exposure to stupid people.
11. I broke both arms at the same time at Camp Patmos (Kelley's Island, Ohio) grabbing the basketball rim, broke my hand playing volleyball, broke my finger bowling, and sprained my ankle playing street hockey.
12. My brother Tim and I have dated sisters at the same time on three occasions.
13. Until 7th grade, I didn't want to have anything to do with playing a musical instrument. I changed my mind in 7th grade Music Appreciation class (had to choose between that, choir, or band) because the music theory appealed to my mathematical and logical mindset. Much of my life since then has revolved around music.
14. I've been writing in notebooks/journals for the last 3 years and anticipate people will read them after I am dead if I don't destroy them first. :)
15. I have a Bachelor of Science in Bible and a Master's degree from a seminary and served as a pastor for three years and hope to again someday.
16. Say Anything is probably my all-time favorite movie.
17. I feel like I've matured a lot over this past year more than any other year that I can remember.
18. I was named "Most Neo-Normal" (whatever that means) in my high school senior yearbook.
19. I prefer to set the volume on the tv/stereo at a number that ends in 0, 2, 5, or 8.
20. In college I gave plasma regularly and saved the money to buy Stephanie's engagement ring.
21. I didn't play any school sports after 6th grade because I didn't want to get a physical exam. I really regret this and wish I would have continued with baseball.
22. By tasting, I can usually tell if someone bakes with sweetener vs. sugar and canned vs. real pumpkin.
23. In 11th grade chemistry class, I memorized and recited 53 of the periodic elements with their names, symbols, and atomic weights including all decimal places (Oxygen, O, 15.9994) and still remember many of them.
24. I have elaborate playlists set up on my iPod/iTunes that feeds into one playlist that acts as my personal radio station that I listen to every day.
25. I consider myself very fortunate, blessed, and undeserving to be married to such a loving and beautiful wife of almost 14 years and have the two most adorable, unique, and creative children a father could ask for.

Alternates:

I cannot stand mouth sounds or the sound of someone eating.
I like to make ring tones for my phone.
I am fed up with the fast food industry.
I have great disrespect for country music.
I prefer to drink water at room temperature except at meals.
I have much more compassion and love for people than what I let people believe. That is, unless you've contributed to #10 above.
On a related note to #2, I fully expect the next several years until both my children are married to be very difficult on either me, my kids, or both.

Facebook is bad when...

2008-02-19T08:12:00.002-05:00

... you learn about the death of one of your best friends through someone else's facebook status.

Presidential Race

2008-01-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

The only reason I'd want Hillary to win the presidency is so that I could refer to Bill Clinton as The First Lady.

Flooded Findlay

2007-08-23T20:36:00.001-04:00

Most likely if you've seen the news over the last few days, you'll know the midwest has been pounded with rain recently. Findlay, OH has been in the spotlight because of the Blanchard River overflowing its banks covering much of the town in feet of water. Downtown Findlay, in addition to many residential areas, was deeply impacted by the floods crippling businesses, displacing residents, and ruining property.

I work in downtown Findlay. In fact, the company I work for sits less than a block off Main St and 2 1/2 blocks south of the river. A couple times a week, I eat my lunch at the river. Fortunately, our building was spared much destruction because our first floor is several feet above street level but our basement completely flooded.

Yesterday, since the city was shut down and you couldn't even get to our building, many of us worked from home. Today, however, we were able to make it in because the waters receded, leaving the city dirty and muddy... kinda like Scranton.

Findlay's a really nice town and I love the people I've gotten to know there so it's sad to see people I work with who have lost everything as a result of the flood. Here are a couple pics for your enjoyment.

Artisan in the Park

2007-08-13T13:55:00.001-04:00

"Sir, can I interest you in a hand-carved trinket?"

Those are the words I heard from a gentleman who approached me as I entered the park to eat my lunch. He held up some sort of wooden pieces attached with a string. I didn't take the time to study what it was he was selling to properly identify the exact nature and usefulness of said trinket. After a few minutes of eating my lunch and pondering our brief dialogue/sales pitch, I realized the question he asked was a different one than I had heard, although he probably meant the same thing. What I heard was, "Are you interested in buying this configuration of wood and string," when in fact he asked me if he could interest me in whatever he was selling. I though he was giving me a sales pitch when in reality he was giving me a lead-in to one. Now, after having considered his actual question as to the possibility of interesting me in something, I should have answered, "Probably not."

However, he gave up after hearing me say, "No, thank you." I supposed technically I wasn't shutting the door on his presentation but rather predicting the success of it. Could he interest me in his hand-made trinket? No, he cannot nor did he attempt to. He then merely wished me a good day.

But as I continue to think, I'm wondering if my no response was to his inability to sell or my ability to resist a sale and succumb to being convinced to be interested. Since the subject of the question was himself, my answer would indicate that he lacks the ability in this instance to motivate me to be interested. In which case, I probably should have answered, "I'm not sure if you have the skills it takes to interest me in your product." It's apparent he didn't.

Emo

2007-07-25T10:56:00.000-04:00

Being emo is like being poor on purpose so you can get food stamps and attention from the government and then pissing and moaning because you're poor.

My Celebration

2007-06-26T22:39:00.000-04:00

Tonight's little celebration is for my friend, Joe. Joe is a true friend who has demonstrated selfless love, genuine kindness, what it means to be a father and husband, creativity beyond compare, child-like faith, and a spirit that delights the hardest of hearts. Joe has known pain like I probably will never experience and fear like I will never face. Yet, he has also felt peace and love like I will most likely never feel in this earthly body.

Tonight I am drinking a good beer and enjoying a good cigar in honor of Joe. I've been saving this cigar for the past year for one occasion: to celebrate a life that has touched mine in innumerable and profound ways.

You see, Joe has been battling a horrible cancer - the worst and most fatal - that has inflicted his body for the last 15 months. It was a long, fierce battle that has caused many tears and elicited many prayers.

Tonight, I celebrate with this cigar and my own tears because the battle is over...

Joe has won! He is cancer-free.

Buy.com price alteration

2007-03-29T12:38:00.000-04:00

I was searching buy.com for the price on a Maxtor external hard drive. As the page was loading, I saw the price of $180.89. When the page finished loading, however, the price displayed was $220.21. I was able to reproduce this each time I hit F5/refresh. Even though the lower price was displayed for a fraction of a second, I was able to get a screen grab as it was loading... seen here:

Here's a screen grab of the final loaded page:

Evidently, buy.com, in this instance at least, displays a lower price when the product is not in stock. Is anyone actually selling this item for $180.89?

Music Skillz... Recognize

2007-02-11T09:13:00.000-05:00

Last night, while watching TV, I correctly identified a Violent Femmes tune which played briefly in the background of a commercial or whatever show was on. Yeah, that's right.

2007-01-17T12:19:00.000-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that my preferred way to fix a burger has everything to do with mustard and nothing to do with ketchup.

Top 5: Albums

2007-01-04T10:12:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of High Fidelity, which I watched again recently, here are my top 5 albums* in no certain order:

Def Leppard, Hysteria
Delirious, Glo
Giant, Last of the Runaways
U2, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown

Here are some honorable mentions:

Anberlin, Never Take Friendship Personal
Audio Adrenaline, Lift
Audio Adrenaline, Underdog
Audio Adrenaline, Until My Heart Caves In
Bad Company, 10 from 6**
Coldplay, X&Y
Coldplay, Parachutes
Delirious, King of Fools
The Fray, How to Save a Life
Fuel, Somthing Like Human
Grammatrain, Flying
Journey, Greatest Hits**
Our Lady Peace, Gravity
Pearl Jam, Ten
Pete Stewart, Pete Stewart
Sanctus Real, Fight the Tide

* Yes, I still call them albums, not CDs, because, to me, the word describes the collection of songs put together by the artist in its raw, pure form regardless of the medium or delivery.
** I know these are compilation albums. It's my list and I can include those if I want.

ChurchHacks.com

2006-11-08T09:05:00.000-05:00

I've been involved in Christian ministry for most of my life. From helping in AWANA, singing in the choir, spending summers working at camp, participating in worship ministries, pastoring, and being involved in various other ministries, I enjoy serving God in the local church.

Considering my ministry experience, my spiritual gifts, my passions and interests, and the way God has wired me, I began a project that combines all of those things with a desire to see pastors and churches succeed in changing lives and honoring Christ.

www.churchhacks.com - Hack your church. Stimulate ministry and worship.

Here's a description of the site posted on the About page:

ChurchHacks.com is for church leaders, ministry professionals, volunteers, musicians, secretaries, janitors, teachers, coordinators, helpers, greeters, and everyone who assists in the building up of the local church and the furtherance of the Gospel. It is intended and designed to help you with the practical and logistical areas of ministry so that worship and people ministry can take place. We feel that when Christ said, "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations," (Matthew 28:19 NIV) that meant a little more than getting an accurate attendance in your Christian Education program and preventing bloodshed in your quarterly business meetings. That giving glory to God involves more than choosing the software you use in your church office and running an effective and meaningful worship team rehearsal.

Making disciples and glorifying God happen within the small details of a church's ministry as well as the life-changing, eternal destiny-types of occasions. We're here to help you hack your church so that your community of Christ-followers can worship God and minister to each other effectively for God's glory.

Visit often, contribute through the comments or by sending ideas to tips@churchhacks.com, and let your friends in ministry know about churchhacks.com. My desire is to help pastors, churches, and volunteers be successful in what they do and be able to focus on worshipping God and ministering to people.

Conversations

2006-10-09T10:08:00.000-04:00

Here are some interesting or funny things I've heard people say or conversations I've been a part of in the last couple weeks.

A statement I overheard a guy say after explaining that he travels a lot for work.

I've been married 15 years. My wife hates me but she loves the lifestyle so it works.

A conversation between a guy getting a license for his boat and the clerk at the Ohio BMV:

Clerk [looking at the computer]: Is your address 123 Main Street?
Guy: No. My address is 555 Woodlane Drive.
Clerk: Was 123 Main Street your address?
Guy [with a cocky tone]: Yeah, when I used to live there a long time ago.

Ryan (age 8) was watching TV and an infomercial for a piece of athletic equipment came on.

Ryan: Mom, you should do this. Look at how sexy her body is."

Yesterday afternoon watching a little bit of the Eagles vs. Cowboys.

Ryan: Who's winning the game?
Steph: The Philadelpia Eagles.
Me: Uncle Tim would be rooting for the Dallas Cowboys.
Makenna (age 3): Uncle Tim is going to be a cowboy?
Ryan: Only if he moves to the desert.

Church of Satan Marquee Messages

2006-09-23T11:21:00.000-04:00

I know the Church of Satan exists but I'm sure I've never seen a building. But, what if the Church of Satan had a building in your community and had a marquee out front where they posted messages with witty phrases and cute slogans? Here's what I've come up with...

Have an obsession with possession
Live subliminally
Devil inside. Devil inside. Every single one of us, the Devil inside
Don't be a speed demon. There's no need to speed
Have you read LaVey today?
Don't rock the boat; sacrifice a goat
Spend eternity where it's warm
If those three guys can survive the fiery furnace, so can you

Post your own Church of Satan marquee messages in the comments below.

Celebrity Duets

2006-09-14T21:46:00.000-04:00

I've seen a grand total of about six minutes of this program and have already come to the conclusion that Little Richard is a lame cliché factory.

Vacancy: Tooth Fairy Position in the Detroit area

2006-08-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

http://jobsearch.monster.com/getjob.asp?JobID=47274326

Even if this were accurate, how would the Tooth Fairy be an IT job? Actually, it sounds like any fast food job many high schoolers have.

Required:
Ability to manage petty cash
Must have strong stomach.
This job contains risk of bacterial contamination

Open a Savings Account for Emergencies

2006-08-08T11:31:00.000-04:00

This post is about 15% self-serving and 85% intended to help you, the reader and my friend.

About a month ago, I signed up with a savings account through ING Direct. You've probably seen their commercials on television and elsewhere. We just moved and had to set up new accounts with a local bank. I opened a checking account with the local bank but I decided to go online with my initial savings account.

If you've read or listened to Dave Ramsey or figured this out on your own, we understand the need for an emergency fund: $1000 set aside just in case something happens... and it will. My advice to you (coming from the wisdom Dave Ramsey and grandmothers everywhere) is make sure you have $1K for emergencies stowed safely away as soon as possible.

There are two reasons and a bonus why I chose ING Direct for my emergency fund savings account.

A buffer reduces impulse purchases
The savings account is tied to your checking account at your local bank and you can make transfers between each account easily. However, because the accounts are with separate institutions and the transfers go through the clearing house, it takes a couple days for the money to be transfered. Why is this important to me? Impulse purchases.

"Ooo... shiny new 5.1 Dolby Digital surround sound system! I don't have the money in my checking but I have it in my emergency fund."

Since I have to go through the effort of going online to transfer the money and wait a couple days for it to hit my account, I will most likely have talked myself out of the purchase. After all, it takes the impulse out of impulse purchasing if it's difficult to get to the cash. It provides a buffer so I don't blow the money on something for which it wasn't intended. Would I go through the effort (just a couple mouse clicks) and wait a couple days if my car suddenly needed a new alternator? Absolutely.
4.40% interest. (updated 9/6/06 from 4.35%)
Even though an emergency fund is not a wealth-building tool, it's good to know that you're earning money while staving off Murphey. If Murphey shows up, you're prepared to deal with it but if not, you're earning 4.40% in interest. I just checked the rates of one of my local financial institutions... .05% for a savings account. If I don't touch my emergency fund at ING for a year and take out the interest I earned, I could take my wife out to a nice dinner. At the other bank I'd have to save for three and a half years just to buy the Sunday paper!

Bonus - $25 sign on incentive
I purchased some books from Amazon.com and received a coupon for $25 as a sign on bonus for opening an account with ING Direct. Since I was going to open one anyway, I figured I might as well take advantage of the free money. Sho' nuff... as soon as I opened my account that free money appeared. It's not immediately available for withdrawal but, nevertheless, it's there.

When I logged in to my account the morning, I saw a means to refer other people to ING Direct. As a part of the referral, if you open an account with a minimum of $250, you will receive the same $25 sign on bonus and I will receive $10. That's a pretty good deal for both of us.

If you're interested and have at least 250 clams to slap down at the virtual teller window, email me at mattbook [some symbol goes here] gmail [single pixel] com and I'll send a referral through. More importantly, make sure you have money set aside in an emergency fund for when the inevitable happens.

Retail Idiocy

2006-08-04T11:01:00.000-04:00

I went to the Dollar Tree to return a picture frame we purchased the day before that was broken. The sixteen-year-old retail novice informed me that they only exchange for an equally-priced item instead of giving cash back (apparently to ensure the rising profits of this thriving company). I picked out three items that I was planning on buying and took them to the same girl at the checkout counter. I laid them down and reminded her that I had an exchange.

"Which item do you want to exchange it for?" she asked.

I glanced down at the counter between us and looked back at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"You have to pick an item you want to exchange it for."

Contemplating the fact that I was in the Dollar Tree I asked, "Aren't they all a dollar?"

"Yes," she replied, "but you have to pick one."

"Why do I have to pick one if they're all the same price?"

"Because you have to."

"Does it matter?"

Playfully and entusiastically, almost cheerleader-esque, she asked, "Well, which one do you want for free?"

"I don't care."

She picked up one of the $1-priced items. "This one?"

"Sure." I gave her $2.12 and left.

We've Moved!

2006-07-28T13:17:00.000-04:00

This was drafted as an email that was supposed to go out about six weeks ago. Since we haven't gotten to it yet, I decided to post it here. However, many of you reading this will still receive it via email and it will contain details on how to reach us (cell phone, snail mail, emial, smoke signal, carrier pigeon, etc).

Monday, June 26, Stephanie, Ryan, Makenna, and I relocated to northwestern Ohio-ian town of Woodville. "Why?" you may ask. Other than escaping creditors and the local authorities (police department, mental institutions, and the paper boy who wants his two dollars) the move was prompted by a desire to reconnect with family, both mine and Stephanie's. We live near my family (Bowling Green/Toledo area) but will have more opportunities to be closer to Steph's (Oregon and Arizona).

For those of you in PA (my 50th favorite state!), we will miss you incredibly and it is tearing irrepariable wounds in our hearts to be moving away from you. Our paths will cross again. As I told some of you, don't think of it as you're losing a friend as much as you're gaining a void. That probably doesn't help but it's funny, nonetheless.

For those of you in Northwest Ohio and Michigan, we look forward to spending time with you and awakening many long-time, long-distance friendships.

For those residing from the plains of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee, from New York to LA we hope to be able to see you more often, as well.

Here are some details for your address book so that you can contact us in the event of... well for whatever reason you might want to contact us.

-----------------------------------------

[snipped]

-----------------------------------------

Thanks for being a part of our lives. Please pray for us as we move and adjust to a new life, new house, new school, and new people we can add to our long list of friends.

Love,
Matt, Steph, Ryan, and Makenna Book

Hometown Facts

2006-05-25T11:25:00.000-04:00

In additon to the fact that Bowling Green, Ohio held the Guinness world record for the most pizza places per capita and is the home of the National Tractor Pull Championships, figure skating champion Scott Hamilton (ok, maybe not that one), and Bowling Green State University from whence comes Orel Hershiser, Bob Hartman, Tim Conway, and Robert Patrick (T-1000!), my hometown BG is a cool town because legendary teamsters boss, Jimmy Hoffa, was married there.

When Fashion and Fitness Collide

2006-04-19T13:44:00.000-04:00

I've recently witnessed on two occasions what happens when fashion and an active lifestyle meet. It's the fusion of a trendy hip-hugging sweatsuit and a zealous bicycle-wielding sweat-ophile. The result of such a melding of fitness and fashion is cycler's butt.

I've seen a young, athletic woman riding her bike on the same stretch of road twice. Little does she know that, as she leans forward to grasp her handle bars, her low-rise trendy exercise outfit (no doubt not primarily designed for actual exercise) inched its way down her back side like an overweight plumber kneeling beneath a kitchen sink. Ride on, O Princess of the Pavement.

Protect Our Loved Ones

2006-04-05T09:06:00.000-04:00

If you don't want your family and friends sucked in by the latest fad religion/cult, you'd better study up on the latest trend: Flying Spaghetti Monsterisms. Don't be fooled by its followers, Pastafarians. They are cunning and persuasive. God help us and our children.

Thank God I'm Not a Country Boy!

2006-03-30T17:01:00.000-05:00

Announced on Idol last night, besides the predictable demise of Lisa, was that this coming week's show would be country music-themed. There are very few things in this world that, in effect, run their fingernails down the chalkboard of my soul and country music is one of them. Since I've already been spewing venomous thoughts on paper about my hatred of country music at the request of one of my coworkers, I decided I would preempt next week's American Idol theme with the reasons I don't like country music.

Anyone can create a country music song.
The lyrics are common and conversational, even ridiculously simple. I've never heard anyone talk about the "deep significance" or "inner meaning" of a country song. They lay it all out there for everyone to hear and understand. Even a drunk can comprehend the lyrics and message and perhaps that's the point.
It takes no talent to sing a song in country-western style.
I'm not sure I've heard of an artist who studied at a music conservatory who went on to be a country singer. To me, vocal slides and twang are not the marks of a great song. It's lazy vocal method at its best.
The wardrobe and fashion styles of the C-W culture denote work.
Let me explain. It seems each style of music has a fashion style attached to it. The style of country music - cowboy hat, pressed jeans, cowboy boots, big belt buckle - all have roots in the work duds of the classic American cowboy. Almost every other style associated with music is one of comfort and uniqueness within a culture. Boots, a big fat hat, and a belt buckle the size of a dinner plate might be comfortable but it screams, "Let's get back on the range, round up the cattle, and pitch manure." Not too many people want to wear their work attire to enjoy a culture of music. One example that does is The Village People - a police officer, a construction worker, a cowboy, etc. Work uniforms. We all know what The Village People represent... homosexuality. Think about it... The Village People, country music, cowboys, Brokeback Mountain. I think there's an obvious connection. (kidding)
Country Music songs tend to use odd words and word combinations like "Achy Breaky" and "Boot Scoot Boogey." It's foolishness.
Two words: Line Dancing.
Country music uses instruments that are either weird or generally uncool, such as a steel guitar that sits on your lap that you play with a slide and a fiddle which is probably a honky-tonk violin. Unless you're a blind singer named Jeff Healy, no one should be putting their guitar on their lap. My apologies to my high school mate, Alex Depue, aka The Fiddler.

Bottom line: any no-talent, uncreative hack can write and sing a country song. The lyrics are simple, hokey, and predicatable. Anyone can sound good singing country-style because the standards are so low. Just put on your big hat and back-country bling, go down to your local saloon, have a few (or several) beers, and start singing about the first thing that comes to your mind. Don't worry about trying to sing on pitch because you'll be sure to tickle the ears of your new fans as you slide from one note to another. Throw in a couple yahoos, yeehaws, and dag-gums, and tarnations and you've just propelled yourself to stardom with a Top 40 hit (can they even count to 40?).

Math Anomaly Busted

2006-03-27T14:04:00.000-05:00

A friend sent me one of those "fun" math problems where you work your way through a series of math calculations to arrive at some amazing and inexplicable conclusion which is usually your birthday, social security number, or the number of freckles on your arm. Having seen these before, I finally decided to deconstruct this recent formula and figure out exactly what's going on. I know, too much excitement for a Monday. I have already achieved this week's pinnacle of entusiasm and the rest of the week is now on a downward spiral of boringness. Anyway, here's the problem followed by my deconstruction and the reason why it's not a numerical miracle... a numiracle.

Subj: Unbelievable Math Problem

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you. Personally, I would like to know who came up with this and why that person is not running the country!

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

Steps 3 & 5 can be combined (80*250=20,000). You can multiply the first three digits of your phone number by 20,000 which essentially multiplies it by 2 and moves the decimal place over enough where you can slip in the last four digits (X 2).

Steps 4 & 8 are there to make it more complicated and to throw you off. If you take 1 (step 4), multiply it by 250 (step 5) which equals 250, then subtract 250 (step 8) you're just creating extraneous work.

So, all we're really doing is multiplying and dividing everything by two. Let me demonstrate with my phone number (586-0101)...

586 * 20,000 = 11,720,000 <= multipling by 2 and shifting the numbers over to leave space for the next step
0101 * 2 = 0202
Totaled = 11,720,202
Divided by 2 = 5,860,101

I'm still alive

2006-03-20T13:44:00.000-05:00

I'm still here. I guess I've been afflicted with the "Haven't Posted in a While Syndrome." Let me briefly describe what's been going on in my life with the hopes that I'll write more significantly in the near future.

Trying to get organized. For the last n years I have been very disorganized in virtually every area of my life. Along with that, I'm not a very disciplined person. I'm trying to catch up and get a handle on all the stuff in my life.
Stephanie and I are really considering moving to Ohio this summer. Pray for us because it's a process to try to figure out if this is the best thing for our family and future. I'm going to be doing some hardcore job hunting very soon. We'll also have to make sure our house is in selling condition and put it on the market at the right time.
God has really been teaching me a lot more lately about who I am and how He has made me. It's been cool to talk to people from time to time and be able to vocalize what's been going on in my head.
Related to the last statement, I've purchased a little notebook to allow me to get things out of my head and on paper. My intention for this blog was to help get thoughts out of my head and into a tangible form. I realize that, for me, a blog is not an ideal dumping ground for thoughts and ideas. I'm going to concentrate more on writing in my notebook first and develop some of those thoughts in a blog post if I choose.

I'm really going to feel this tomorrow!

2006-02-27T15:14:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to workout a little bit each week. I don't have lofty goals that I can't reach but whenever I feel the urge to walk on the treadmill or lift weights, I make sure I do it.

Today, a few guys at work talked me into going with them to play street hockey this afternoon. I had taken that class in college but I'm 10+ years out of college now and I've pretty much passively divorced myself from strenuous activity since then. In the spirit of trying to be healthy, I decided to join them.

I won't write about my entire experience but I will say that I probably should have started with something a little more basic such as remedial shuffleboard.

Afterwards, one of the guys asked me, "Are you feeling your age?"

I said, "No. I'm feeling the effects of my laziness, lack of discipline, and love of food."

Sweating to the iPod

2006-02-08T15:01:00.000-05:00

I bought an iPod using money I received for Christmas. I went through my music library and tagged certain songs as workout songs for the occasional stroll on the treadmill or the less occasional trip to the campus weightroom. Then, I created a smart playlist that will take randomly take 15 songs of those songs that haven't been played in the last 7 days. I walked for a short while on our treadmill this morning and here's the auditory fuel that was keeping me going.

Bad Case of Loving You (remake by Giant and my man, Dann Huff)
Great song to get it started.
The Warrior (Patty Smyth and Scandal)
A little too pop-ish but was effective. Blast from the past!
The Final Countdown (Europe)
I felt like I was in a movie like Rocky or Karate Kid training for my next battle. Gotta love vintage 80's power synth.
Walk On (U2)
I'm going to remove the workout tag. It just didn't do it for me. I wasn't necessarily encouraged to "walk on." Sorry, Bono. You'll be happy to know that Vertigo is on my list.
Pain (Grammatrain)
Didn't have enough energy throughout the whole song. Removing the tag. Also, Pain wasn't a very good motivation to keep at it. My feet started to hurt... seriously.

Any other suggestions? I think I marked around 80-90 songs but I'm interested to hear if you have any recommendations.

Four Things

2006-01-20T09:11:00.000-05:00

In response to my buddy Thad's blog and "tag", here goes:

Four jobs I've had:

Speed boat driver at a summer camp
Auto parts delivery guy
Grocery store deli worker
Carpet cleaner

Four movies I'd watch on repeat:

Say Anything
Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Tommy Boy
Gladiator

Four TV shows I love:

My Name is Earl
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
VH1's Top 100... (One Hit Wonders, Child Stars, etc)
Lost

Four vacation spots I'd love to frequent:

Any cruise ship
Cozumel, Mexico
New York City
Arizona

Four websites I visit daily:

Google Reader
Drudge Report
Lifehacker.com (via Google Reader)
Dilbert

Four foods I lust for:

Seafood
bd's mongolian barbeque
Steak hoagie and waffle fries from Mr. Spot's in Bowling Green, OH
Good sushi (yes, I think that's different than seafood)

Four changes to my house:

Attached garage with a new roof
Finished basement
Bigger Rooms
Add dining room

Four beers I like:
or I think I would like ;)

Yuengling Lager
Killian's Irish Red
Mickey's wide mouth (for the novelty)
Corona with lime

Four tags... it's your turn:

Scott Hall
Joe Barlow
Robb & Vanessa Ryerse
Alf Wilkes

Blogging My Birfday

2006-01-03T14:34:00.000-05:00

Midnight-1:00 a.m. - Finished up watching Letterman. Got some things ready for the morning. Decided to wake up at 6:40 and walk on the treadmill. Went to bed.
6:40-8:15 a.m. - Woke up with some fierce pain in my groinial area. To avoid being a wuss I got up out of bed and gingerly walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes. Ate some breakfast: the Kix cereal that the kids won't eat. Ryan sang Happy Birthday to me as I ate my cereal and added an enthusiastic "Hooray!" at the end like they do in school, he explained. Found out his school is cancelled today because of impending snow. Looked out the window and grumbled at the thought of plowing the driveway while having pain in the nutular vicinity.
8:15-lunch - work.
12:30 p.m. - Went to Subway and spent an inordinate amount of time deciding what I wanted to eat for lunch.
1:00 p.m. - Ran up to the Communications Department to get a birthday donut or two. I share the same birthday as another person in our division. Coincidentally, her mom has the same maiden name as my mom. Weird.
1:30-5:00 p.m. - work.
5:00 p.m. - Went home and picked up the fam to go to Bennigan's to eat. I had a comp. via e-mail that allowed me to get a free meal (with purchase of another meal) and a brownie pie. It was also Kids Eat Free night so we walked out of Bennigan's paying less than $11 for two adult meals and two kids meals. We left the waitress a good tip.
6:30 p.m. - Cruised over to Best Buy to return the case I purchased for my new iPod. Went to Border's, looked around, and picked up a daily Dilbert calendar for my desk for $6.
8:30 p.m. - Came home and listened to my parents sing "Happy Birthday" to me on the answering machine as well as a nice birthday message from Scott. Opened a few presents and cards and then put the kids to bed.
9:15 p.m. - Crashed on the couch for a little while watching some shows on the Travel channel and the Scrubs season premiere. Dozed off a few times but that enabled me to stay up until 1:30 a.m. to download music.
1:45 a.m. - Went to bed.

I may expand on this a little bit later but I at least wanted to put up the basics of what happened yesterday. A funny thing happened this morning, though (Wednesday the 4th). I walked in the door and the three guys I work with began wishing me a hearty happy birthday. I grinned and calmly said, "It was yesterday."

Updated Wednesday, January 4 @ 10:45 a.m.

What is this world coming to?

2006-01-02T12:53:00.000-05:00

I am appalled by this example of degradation in society. This sickens me.

Perrysburg police seize pirated Monkees CDs

2005-12-21T09:29:00.000-05:00

As a computer guy and a programmer of sorts, I read this article and feel extremely inadequate. That's not good.

Don't Hijack My Birthday

2005-12-15T18:38:00.000-05:00

I've been considering the politically correct assault on Christmas lately and since a couple of friends have posted about it, I figured I'd get off my butt and post my brief, less eloquent thoughts.

January 3 is my birthday. Those who know my birthday and share in my lack-luster celebration are welcomed to wish me a "Happy Birthday." Those who don't I neither want nor expect anything from them. I don't expect a present, a card, a song, a spanking, or any well-wishing. In fact, I want them to go about their day like any other normal day because the celebration does not belong to them and they are not invited (by reasons of non-association) to celebrate with me.

One thing I don't want them to do is hijack my birthday. Let's say Johnny Matthater discovers January 3 is the day of my birth and says, "Well, Matt's birthday doesn't mean anything to me and many others and I think it's really unfair to exclude so many people on this day. In order for everyone to celebrate this day in a way that's meaningful to all the people of the world let's replace 'Happy Birthday, Matt' with 'A Joyous January Third'."

In a sense, that's what people have done with Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ. Society* has taken the celebration of someone's birthday, stripped away the spiritual and redemptive implications, and replaced it with something applicable and non-offensive so everyone can participate.

My recommendation for those who are offended by a heartfelt "Merry Christmas" wish and all that encompasses Christ's birthday: find your own holiday to celebrate. Don't hijack Christmas.

* Excluding the Jews. Jews celebrate Hannukah during this season and they have every right to celebrate according to their Jewish heritage and tradition.

Things I Learned This Week

2005-12-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

A collection of jellyfish is called a smack
Unless you're in the mafia or a lawyer, it doesn't pay to be a jerk
An icy parking lot is no respecter of persons
Chances are you have a friend who has gone through similar difficulties you're facing right now and it would do you a lot of good to talk to that friend

No more free housing for criminals in BG

2005-12-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

Go to jail in Bowling Green and you pay the bill, judge says

I give props to the judicial system in my home town of Bowling Green, Ohio for making criminals, rather than the taxpayers, pay for their stay in the county jail at a rate of $60 per night.

Touching Moments in the Office

2005-12-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

[ Matt hands Jeff a refreshing Vernor's Ginger Ale ]

Jeff: I love you, Matt. Can I give you a hug?

Matt: You don't need a hug when you have a Vernor's.

Various Stuff From This Week

2005-12-03T12:45:00.000-05:00

I was at the theater on Monday waiting in line at the concession stand to purchase the popcorn that my son would later expel from his body when I saw this sign on the container holding the glazed pecans:

Warning: product may be habit forming

You know things are bad at work when the guy who's about to hand you your Christmas bonus says, "Do you have change for a $5?"

This blog was visited by a bot from an Internet watch dog hired to survey the Internet for illegal or suspicious activity. Perhaps it was because of this post. On a related note, I've had a handful of clicks to my site from people who have searched for how to make household bombs.

The intake and outputs of my new water heater have been slowly leaking all week so I have to tear it apart to fix it which means shutting off the water to the whole house again.

The garage door broke this morning and my CRV is trapped inside. The garage door peeps are coming on Monday morning to fix it at an estimated cost of $350. Add that to the $300+ I spent last week on the hot water heater. No wonder Dave Ramsey says to keep at least $1000 in an emergency fund. Too bad I haven't done that yet.

Amazing feats of insignificance

2005-12-01T16:21:00.000-05:00

I dominated in yesterday afternoon's game of "name the band" in the Nerdery. The category was 80's Rock Bands I guessed about 7 out of 8 correctly including Scorpion, Sammy Hagar, Def Leppard, and Night Ranger. My shining moment was correctly guessing The Cult even though I'd never heard the song before.

Ok, now it's getting real

2005-11-28T16:58:00.000-05:00

Makenna became ill late Wednesday night. Stephanie finally got sick this morning after five days of glorious anticipation. Ryan was stricken with the stomach bug late this afternoon. When shall I go and meet with the porcelain god?

Tricks for Your Body

2005-11-27T23:20:00.000-05:00

Check out this list of tricks you can teach you body that will help with ice cream headaches, throat tickles, the urge to urinate, and other bodily annoyances. I'll be sure to cough and make other violent movements the next time I'm getting an injection at the doctor's office.

Reason #3 to Not Buy a House

2005-11-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

Plumbing.

Oh wait, that was number one. The up-side is that now we have a brand new hot water heater.

Blogging Thanksgiving

2005-11-26T12:23:00.000-05:00

Updated 11/26 @ 12:20 p.m.

12:30 a.m. - Begin getting settled for bed. I hear my daughter crying so I go in to check on her. She's sitting up in her bed bawling and looking down at the pool of sick that had just projectiled (and violently it appears) from her mouth.
1:15 a.m. - After hosing off my daughter in the shower and cleaning up the mess of hot dog bits and unidentifyable organic material, we retreat to the bedroom knowing it will probably be a long night of poor, interrupted sleep.
3:00-9:00 a.m. - Repeat cycle of waking up, attending to Makenna and her sickness, and going back to bed. Well, Stephanie, that is. For the most part, I slept soundly enjoying the soft hum of my CPAP machine.
9:00-9:30 a.m. - Attempt to squeeze in another minute of sleep while the kids are causing bedlam in the next room. Worry about which of the other three family members will be sick and when. I vote for me because I was the one last night who was sticking my fingers in Makenna's mouth and letting her stick hers into mine. Of course, Steph will feel sick all day because she's the most worried of all of us.
9:30 a.m. - We decide we need to call the family who invited us over for Thanksgiving meal at the last minute, since we were going to be alone as a family, and tell them we would not be joining them. We had been mostly prepared to create an entire meal for ourselves, complete with a 21 pound turkey, except for one integral piece: a roasting pan large enough to fit a 21 pound turkey.
10:00 a.m. - Matt goes to the local grocery store to pick up 5 items: the aforementioned roasting pan, Gatorade (at Steph's request because she's already feeling ill), Cool Whip, pie crust, and the coveted Thanksgiving edition of the local newspaper containing the agenda for tomorrow's masochistic, pre-dawn ritual. Local grocery store out of newspaper and roasting pans.
10:10 a.m. - Bolt over to Sheetz to secure said newspaper lest the wife banish me to the snowy outdoors if I return empty-handed. Purchase last newspaper and receive dirty scouls from other customers. Leave Sheetz before mob forms.
10:20 a.m. - Arrive at Wal-Bub's Super-MegaPlex to purchase a $1 roasting pan. Endure condescending looks and snide comment from the cashier for purchasing a roasting pan on Thanksgiving Day.
10:45 a.m. - Return home and begin helping Steph with the Thanksgiving Feast...

clean turkey (did I mention it was 21 pounds?)
slice onion for homemade stuffing because Steph is a wuss
cut up many pounds of potatoes
peel cooked yams for Stephanie's scrumptious candied yam recipe

2:00 p.m. - Chill with the kids. Play games. Wrestle. Tickle. Wait for 21 pound turkey to cook.
7:00 p.m. - Finally pulled turkey out of the oven after 8 hours of cooking and got the rest of the fixin's set (mashed potatoes, candied yams, gravy, etc). Stephanie still feels sick.
7:36 p.m. - Sat down to eat our Thanksgiving feast. Steph was nervous to eat because of the thought of tasting it again on its way out. Ryan, to my surprise, tried almost everything except for the homemade stuffing. The one thing besides the green beans and turkey he liked was the mashed potatoes. Understand this: from the first day Ryan tried mashed potatoes out of a jar as a baby he couldn't stand them. He's never wanted to have anything to do with cooked, baked, or mashed potatoes. We'll put them in soup and he knows right away what it is when he tastes it. His face grimaces and the potato piece exits his mouth at a rapid pace. So, for our almost-eight-year-old to start liking potatoes is a break-through for us.
8:30 p.m. - Dig in to the pumpkin pie made from my mom's recipe. I would consider myself to be a pumpkin pie connoisseur because it's my absolute favorite kind of pie and my mom is a culinary genious when it comes to making one from scratch. I'm sort of a snob when it comes to pumpkin pies because I'll only tolerate fresh pumpkin; canned pumpkin won't suffice. In fact, I can detect it like a drug-sniffing canine and I won't eat it. Steph did a wonderful job making this one and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
9:30 p.m. - After putting the kids to bed, we cut most of the meat off the turkey and began to boil the carcass to make soup. We had to use the large pressure cooker for canning because it was so big. Steph admitted she was feeling better and said that she probably felt sick because she was hungry.
10:00 p.m. - Chilled out on the couch watching programs we had recorded with TIVO. Steph looked at the ads to figure out where she wanted to shop in the morning. What a psycho. Went to bed.

Relocated Writing Project

2005-11-22T00:10:00.000-05:00

Since my collaborative writing project, the Late for Work Excuse, has received so much attention (ahem... BS!... cough!) I decided to relocate it to its own little space on the web. Hopefully, it will make more sense and it will be easier to participate. All you have to do is provide, through a simple comment, a sentence that fits between the two sentences provided. Thanks to all those who have contributed thus far.

Late for Work Excuse Project
http://www.bookfamily.net/exquisitecorpse/lateforwork/

Writing a Novel in 30 Days

2005-11-21T11:55:00.000-05:00

Earlier this month, I found a web site devoted to a contest where each person's goal is to write an entire novel (50K words) during the month of November (which apparently is National Novel Writing Month). I'm not a writer by any stretch of the imagination but the idea intrigued me. It piqued my interest not because I'm jonesin' to write a novel (I can't even maintain a constistent, logical thought with a few short paragraphs!) but because of what they said on their site.

Why are you doing this? What do you get out of it?
NaNoWriMo is all about the magical power of deadlines. Give someone a goal and a goal-minded community and miracles are bound to happen. Pies will be eaten at amazing rates. Alfalfa will be harvested like never before. And novels will be written in a month.

It interests me because at the beginning of the month thousands of people are establishing a goal for themselves and are setting out to reach it. Last year there were 42,000 participants and almost 6,000 reached their goal of writing a 50,000 word novel. Even though 36,000 people didn't reach their goal, kudos to them for setting a goal and at least trying to work at it.

I'm not very good at reaching goals and even worse at setting them. That's what some people like to call "lack of ambition." According to Ben Franklin's list, I'm not doing well at Resolution. I guess I figured sometime a while back that if I aim at nothing, I'll hit it every time. For a while, lack of aspiring to anything feels better than failing at something you set out to do but then you're left feeling empty after having tried and accomplished nothing. In the world of romance, Alfred Lord Tennyson put it this way: 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

So, in the spirit of this post and attempting to put some ambition back in my life, my goal for the month of November is to not write a 50,000 word novel.

Disturbing Things Taught in School

2005-11-15T20:37:00.000-05:00

At dinner this evening, Steph told me what our son's teacher taught him in school today. She instructed him and the rest of the first-grade class how to open a medicine bottle. I guess that defeats the purpose of "child-proof" containers. Maybe next she'll teach them how to make bombs out of common household substances.

Things Matt Can't Do

2005-11-15T20:26:00.000-05:00

I can't...

do impressions of famous people or foreign accents
draw worth crap
get no satisfaction
seem to keep my car/desk/inbox/dresser/etc. clean
talk intelligently about the current football season
remember Don Henley's name whenever I hear one of his songs
iron clothes
use a garlic press without breaking it
tolerate country music

2005-11-15T00:07:00.001-05:00

Will the real Carlton Banks please stand up?

Busy November Follow-up

2005-11-11T16:46:00.000-05:00

I want to expand on my previous post about being busy. All of us from time to time go through seasons of busy-ness. For example, I, at this very moment, am busy with many things but overall I would not characterize my life as being crazy or busy. My lifestyle is not a busy one. Each one of us goes through periods where we feel like we're just holding on for dear life and I understand that. My earlier rant was mainly about a lifestyle of packing as many things possible into your 24 hour day.

As I said before, I don't think it's a bad thing to have some flex time in your schedule and not be busy all the time. It's ok to watch a little television in the evening as long as it isn't consuming your time and taking priority over other things. It's not a bad thing to be available to take care of something last-minute for someone in need. It makes me feel good when my wife decides to go out with a friend on a whim and is able to because I'm not obligated elsewhere.

However, I do believe that an idle life can lead to wrong behavior. But, I'm not talking about being lazy but rather not overcommitting yourself so that you don't have the opportunity to spend quality time with family and friends or be able to slip something in that's important, necessary, or purely for fun. Does that clarify things?

2005-11-10T15:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm convinced.

My soul hurts.

Busy November

2005-11-09T12:15:00.000-05:00

Things have been a little crazy, busy, and not normal for the past week or so. Even though I just said it, I really despise that cliche because everyone says that and it has almost completely lost its meaning. "Oh, I'm SO busy! Life is crazy right now." Yeah, so what. Like I haven't heard that one before.

Seriously, though, I try to keep my life's schedule fairly manageable which I'm sure goes against the grain of society and files in the face of what we think of "success." Some people put their busy and crazy lives on display like a trophy. They jokingly complain about it but inwardly they feel elevated and proud of all the things they are doing and accomplishing (or trying to do and accomplish). As for me, I don't buy into that mentality. As I said, I like to keep things manageable and I don't think I'm sinning against the laws of nature and mankind for doing so.

I have a family with whom I like to spend time. I may not be actively engaging in every activity each one is doing but I think it's important for me be there interacting with them and not being preoccupied by a project or something else that requires my attention all the time. Also, I have a family who also has their own interests and obligations. Between church, birthday parties, friends, school, and work, four people can fill up a schedule pretty quickly. If any one member has a full schedule, that impacts the rest of the family. I have my obligations but I try not to do too many things so we can have some flexibility. We can have a week like this and can get back into the family groove without much bloodshed.

Various Notes and Thoughts

2005-11-03T15:56:00.000-05:00

From time to time you may see comments from spambots appear in some of my posts. Blogger has provided a way to prevent those from happening through using a system whereby a commenter must type in a series of letters and numbers that shows up within a graphic that spambots can't read. This ensures that the commenter is indeed a human being instead of a piece of software evangelizing the blogosphere. I've decided, for now, that I'd rather make it a little easier for you peeps to comment and remove the garbage myself. That's my gift to you.

I have almost ten posts saved as drafts that I haven't finished. Some of them are stupid and I'd be embarrassed to show them to anyone.

Some people I work with are not respecting my suggestions. That grieves my soul and pains my butt.

I got on the scale yesterday and I weigh about 5-10 lbs. more than what I thought. I guess I'm not doing very well at this.

I had a thought today about using spiritual gifts and talents/abilities in the church. The way I'm currently serving in the church has more to do with the talents and abilities I've developed and very little to do with my spiritual giftedness. Should I/people be involved in the church based on spiritual gifts or personal abilities? (Some would say there is a fine line between the two or they could be one in the same.) For example, maybe God built into Pete the gift of evangelism but he's well-trained in mixing sound. Pete's involved in that area of the church but not in evangelism. What should Pete do?

Please, don't forget to contribute to my writing project.

I survived another holiday

2005-10-31T22:54:00.000-05:00

Even though holidays break up the monotony of 5 days on-2 days off, it disrupts the groove and familiarity of a week that I've come to enjoy. There are some holidays, however, that afford you the luxury of stopping everything else in your life in order to celebrate the occasion and spend time with friends and family. Halloween is not one of those days. In fact, it is one of those holidays you are required to celebrate on top of everything else you have going on. No day off, no long weekend, no setting aside responsibilities, nothing. Also, Halloween isn't just one day, it's October 31st plus the several weeks leading up to it when you have to put out the decorations, coordinate the perfect costumes, carve up a large, seasonal vegetable, and purchase thousands of calories of confections to give away to strangers. It's a boat load of extra work to celebrate something that has nothing to do with Jesus, love, or the good ol' USA.

There are some good points to Halloween that I can't deny. As a parent, something that brings joy to the heart of a child and puts a genuine smile on his face is something worth sacrificing for (unless it has something to do with Barney or the most current pop star or fashion trend). The expressions on the faces of my children every time they donned their costumes and watching them play the part of Zorro and Belle was as good as them giving me a birthday present. Along with that, I had as much fun as they did watching them approach each house with the anticipation of meeting someone, doing a dance, singing a song, yelling "Trick or Treat!", and swiping their candy. And I mean swiping literally. My 2 1/2 year old daughter used her charm, innocence, and quick reflexes to help herself to the buckets o' candy when the attention of the homeowner was on her brother. Her thievery was quickly forgiven because of her princess-like appearance and charismatic personality.

Lastly, one thing I've realized about being a parent is that holidays sometimes bring out the worst in people, especially children, because they expose what's in their heart. If they are grateful kids, they will demonstrate gratitude. If they are selfish, they will exemplify selfish behavior even more so than usual. Our kids have their selfish moments but as they asked for and received their treats, they were very grateful for what they were given. Except for my daughter's naive kleptomania, they didn't ask for anything more and didn't complain about what they were given. Thanks, Ryan and Makenna, for making me so proud of you!

Collaborative Writing Project: Late for Work Excuse

2005-10-25T20:46:00.000-04:00

I don't consider myself a writer but I came across an idea that sparked my interest. It's a collaborative writing project that originated from a surrealist technique in which "a collection of words or images are collectively assembled." This technique is called Exquisite Corpse. You can see a large example of this here where they are working on entire collaborative novels on the Internet. While I don't want to invest a lot of time doing the backend programming for such a project, I thought it would be fun and interesting to do on a small scale on this blog. If you're jonesin' to participate on a larger scale, go back here. You can even request to start your own novel/short story on that site.

Here's the deal.

Big picture: We're going to construct a short, collaborative writing project about a topic I describe below.

Instructions: We will start with two sentences, a first and last, which I'll provide. The next commenter will provide a sentence that fits between the two. Then I will post two sentences based on a preset random order in which case the next commenter will supply another sentence that fits in between. This will continue until the project is complete when I will compile the sentences and post the result.

At the beginning, don't worry about tieing the sentences together but try to do so once we get about halfway through (I'll let you know). Please, be creative and keep it relatively clean.

Topic: You're e-mailing your boss to give an excuse why you were late for work.
Length: 20 sentences

First sentence: Mr. Schmedlep, how awkward this must feel to the both of us.
Middle sentence: [ supplied by first commenter ]
Last sentence: I trust you can understand my predicament and won't hold this against me in light of my yearly review.

Bookie Recommends...

2005-10-25T00:38:00.000-04:00

I spend several hours of my day tethered to the Internet. Out of necessity and enjoyment, I've come across several applications and services that have made the shackles a little more comfortable. Feel free to post your experiences with these as well as some of your fav's not listed here.

Trillian
If you use instant messengers to keep in touch with family, friends, and cellmates, this program is a must. There is a limited free version as well as a full-featured Pro version well-worth the $25 fee. I like the interoperability, message history, and the various plug-ins available (RSS reader, weather display). Here's what their web site has to say:

Trillian™ is a fully featured, stand-alone, skinnable chat client that supports AIM, ICQ, MSN, Yahoo Messenger, and IRC. It provides capabilities not possible with original network clients, while supporting standard features such as audio chat, file transfers, group chats, chat rooms, buddy icons, multiple simultaneous connections to the same network, server-side contact importing, typing notification, direct connection (AIM), proxy support, encrypted messaging (AIM/ICQ), SMS support, and privacy settings.

Without stealing your home page and with no other included software, pop-ups, or spyware, Trillian provides unique functionality such as contact message history, a powerful skinning language, tabbed messaging, global status changes (set all networks away at once), Instant Lookup (automatic Wikipedia integration), contact alerts, an advanced automation system to trigger events based on anything happening in the client, docking, hundreds of emoticons, emotisounds, shell extensions for file transfers, and systray notifications.

Firefox
I mean, really, who's using IE anymore? The 2000's are all about alternative everythings and the web browser is no exception. If you're giddy about tricking out your browser with some tabs, extensions, and additional safety features, check out this sweet ride. I especially like the tabbed browsing and the built-in pop-up blocker.

iTunes
I've used MusicMatch, Windows Media Player, something from Real Networks, and several versions of WinAmp but was never satisfied with my music player until iTunes came along. I switch to iTunes about as fast as some of the NEPA locals switched to bottled water after they found out their wells were contaminated. Give it a try because it's cool and because it has nothing to do with Bill Gates. The features I like are the browse window, the search feature, crossfade playback, and podcasting.

Gmail
I don't know about you but if you're like me, you're 5'10", your name's Matt, and you're tired of people changing their e-mail addresses. Just the other day, I talked to a friend I had e-mailed and he told me he didn't get my e-mail because he doesn't check that account anymore. E-mail addresses should be like tattoos... permanent. I've been a long-time advocate for having an e-mail address you don't have to surrender if you switch Internet service providers. Getcherself a free 2.5+ GB e-mail account through Gmail and stop needlessly destroying your friendships. I enjoy Gmail's spam blocker, labels (vs. folders), archive/search feature, the conversation view, and the ability to handle larger attachments.

Here are a couple other free programs you might be interested in:
Audacity - a free, easy-to-use audio editor and recorder.
GIMP - a freely distributed program for such tasks as photo retouching, image composition and image authoring.

We don't need no education

2005-10-24T18:03:00.000-04:00

I've spent quite a bit of time over the last few years considering the education system. I wrote about this the summer before my son entered kindergarten.

Recently, my thoughts have steered toward the debate between homeschool, Christian school, and public school which is a rather significant discussion in Christendom. I use the word debate deliberately because this issue can fire some people up as they have established strong, personal convictions.

My wife an I decided to send our children to public school for many reasons. Both of us grew up in public school and, for the most part, we turned out ok. Also, we feel that kids have access to more resources and luxuries in public schools than other in schooling options. Additionally, we pay taxes which funds the local education system so it makes sense to take advantage of a quality education for which we're already paying. These are just a couple examples of why we have chosen public school for our children.

With that said, had we lived in a different school district, we may think differently about where to send our kids to school. When our son entered kindergarten, we didn't have a second thought about sending him to public school because of the school district we live in. Apart from the frequent strikes, it's a decent district with adequate teachers and good programs.

I've been thinking about this a little more because my wife and I have kicked around the idea of moving to a different area (locally or nationally). In our discussion, one of the main points of consideration for where we would live is the quality and reputation of the public education system. We began saying things like, "Well, if we lived there we'd want to send them to Christian school." Why? Why would we change our minds after deciding to send our kids to public school for the reasons I listed above and more?

Fear. I realized that my decision where to send my kids to school was a based on fear. Fear of exposure to things we didn't want our children to be aware of. Fear of exposure to kids with vastly different ideals. Fear of exposure to violence, sex, language, humanism, hatred, and greed more than what they would experience in their middle class, SUV-driving, white collar, low-crime neighborhood. Suddenly, the public/christian/home school debate made much more sense to me.

I suspect that, like me, many people make schooling decisions based on quality of the district and/or some measure of fear. I've heard parents say, "We send our kids to Christian school to protect them...," and "We home school our kids because we want to have control over the things they learn and are exposed to." In many cases, I believe the parents' decision about schooling is governed by what they fear and how much they fear it. The more fear they have the more guarded they will be about their children's education. Where does the fear come from? Is it because of not trusting in God? Do we fear because we don't pray enough for the spiritual well-being of our children and have been deficient in our duties as Christian parents? Do we fear that our children will be exposed to the same evils we experienced in our youth? Should we forsake the mission field of the public school system for the comforts of Christian/home school?

I think I'll leave the discussion there for now. However, I do realize there are circumstances where it is best for parents to home school their children or send them to Christian school. For example, I have a friend who is a teacher at a Christian school. I'm sure his daughter gets a reduced, if not free, tuition because of his employment status. I have another friend whose son had some special needs at one time in his life and it was better for him to learn at home. He is now back in public school. I believe each method of schooling has its place but we shouldn't be so quick to shelter our kids from the world and not send them to public school out of fear. Above all, we need to step back and look at the way we're raising our children. Are we raising them to protect them or to equip them?

Isolation

2005-10-20T23:10:00.000-04:00

One of the problems with isolation is that, after a while, people stop looking for you.

Bookie's Most Outrageous Moments #5

2005-10-20T12:45:00.000-04:00

This is a continuation of a series of posts I started in the Spring of 2004 entitled The Most Outrageous Bookie Moments.

As I entered high school, my brother entered college. Since the school he chose was 500 miles away, my parents arranged for me to stay at a friend's house so they could settle him in and bid him a proper farewell as he begins a new stage in his life.

Meanwhile, my friend's parents allowed us to sleep in a tent in his backyard which was less than a mile from my house. Being the fearless and horny fifteen-year-olds that we were, we had made arrangements to pick up my girlfriend and her two friends. They were a year or two younger than we were. In order to pull this off we had to sneak out of his yard (not that difficult), trek a little less than a mile to my house, and drive my parents' car roughly fifteen miles one way to pick up the girls to bring them back to my house. It was quite the adventure. The mix of fear, adrenaline, and salacious anticipation triggered a boost in testosterone that instantly thickened the patches of hair in my underarms.

Even though I was several months away from being eligible to take a driver's ed course, I was a skilled driver and successfully managed to make a thirty mile trip to pick up some honeys. When we got back into town, for some reason we stopped at a parking lot about a block from my house and turned the headlights of so as to not draw attention to five early-teenagers driving illegally at one o'clock in the morning. We decided to circle the block and drive past my house to make sure nothing unusual was afoot. As I turned the corner past my house, red and blue flashing lights appeared in my rearview mirror and strobed onto the houses and trees around me like a discotheque. I had forgotten to turn my headlights back on which had attracted the attention of the local fuzz.

Immediately, the worst-case scenario was playing out in my mind which involved not being able to get my driver's license until I was eighteen years old which, in all probability, would be about two months after I would be able to walk again after my dad got his hands on me. My highschool years would mirror my junior high years with me riding my bicycle to school and my parents driving me to the mall to hang out with my friends. In my panic, I began to offer up prayers of forgiveness and mercy.

Fortunately, the police officer who had pulled me over was a good friend of my dad and my uncles and was sympathetic to the plight of the horny, reckless teenager. His words to me were, "I know the punishment your dad will deliver will be worse than what we would do so I'm just going to let him take care of it." Since my parents were out of town, he called my uncle and woke him up out of bed to return me and my posse to our respective homes.

When he showed up he was surprising not upset at my tomfoolery and having to get out of bed to bail me out. As he drove us home, my uncle, who could identify with my predicament, informed me that he was going to let me off the hook. Needless to say, we could now add excitement and relief to the roster of emotions we've experienced over the last few hours.

A day or two later, my friend's parents took us to Cedar Point, the roller coaster capital of the world, where we rode roller coasters, flirted with girls, and basked in our escape. It was a day of merriment and glee. We may have even skipped and clicked our heals a few times.

The scene and mood quickly changed when I was dropped off at home. It was as if a dark thundercloud had suddenly appeared and blocked out the sun. My parents had returned from their trip and greeted me with scouls on their faces and sharp words on their lips. My dad's eyes turned red and smoke rose from his ears. The party was over and I was going to be served a hefty helping of my dad's wrath. The policeman who had pulled me over had some business to do in my dad's car parts store earlier that day. He struck up a conversation with my dad and asked, "You weren't too hard on your boy, were you?" Since my uncle was going to keep quiet about the situation, my dad was completely in the dark about his question. He got the whole story while I was enjoying the day at America's Roller Coast. My punishment was pretty light compared to what it could have been. I was grounded for a month but probably the worst part has been my parents not letting me forget that incident for the past sixteen years.

Hollywood running out of ideas

2005-10-14T00:31:00.000-04:00

Stallone squares up for Rocky VI

I can't believe this is really happening. I knew Hollywood was running out of ideas but this takes the cake. Even though the movie hasn't been made yet, I'm going to have to give this two thumbs down. C'mon, the rival's name is Mason "The Line" Dixon. How's that for gimmicky!? What's next, Rocky vs. Predator? How about Rocky vs. the cast of Good Times? Maybe Rocky's dead manager, Mickey, after having been killed by the treacherous Clubber Lang, became so enraged in the afterlife that he developed a deep hatred for the sport of boxing and the great Rocky Balboa himself and possessed the body of Rocky's son in order to challenge him in the ring. Rocky VII will feature a 70-year-old Sly fighting his own son who is possessed by the spirit of his dead manager. Remember, you heard it here first.

Commercial encourages poor driving

2005-10-12T09:58:00.000-04:00

If you've watched any television lately, you've probably seen a Passat commercial where two guys are tossing the football back and forth. Whitey goes long and plows right into a new VW Passat. Voiceover guy says:

"Impact absorbing hood for pedestrian safety."

Does anyone else find this disturbing? Either it makes pedestrians safer or gives Passat drivers permission to drive like maniacs. Probably both.

I can't read!

2005-10-10T23:49:00.000-04:00

Well, I can read. In fact, my parents will testify that I started reading at the age of two. I fell in love with books at an early age and took it on as a hobby until I entered Junior High. At that point, probably distracted by puberty, I wouldn't pick up a book unless it was absolutely necessary. I distinctly remember barely squeeking through 7th grade reading class with a D after giving an oral book report of a book that I had made up.

This change of heart continued until I went to college. College is not a very fun place to be if you can't read well or if you don't like to read unless you're a phys-ed or art major. If you've known me for any length of time, you'd understand that sports usually means a trip to the emergency room resulting in some sort of splint or cast and that I'm about as artistic as I am amphibian.

Within days of beginning college, my book collection doubled with one trip to the campus bookstore to purchase my required textbooks. I had begun reading again and I grew to enjoy it. I was most interested in theology, reference books, commentaries, and books on Christian living although I avoided "feel-good" books by Max Lucado and similar authors.

Since college my interest in books has diminished significantly. I enjoy reading but rarely make/find the time to do so. Most of my books have been resting safely in boxes in my basement for the past four years. You might catch me reading a short book from time to time but I'm not one to talk about books or maintain an ever-so-popular reading list.

Lately, I've gotten turned off to the culture of reading. Some of you will probably get a little angry at me and desire to inflict pain on my body because it sounds like I'm lashing out against something that's fundamentally good like oxygen, Christmas, and apple pie.

It all started a few years ago when a friend raved about a popular Christian men's book. "You haven't read it?! Oh, you must read this book! This is a book that you really need to read!" Within a month or so, I had similar conversations with almost a half-a-dozen people. Not wanting to jump on this bandwagon, I resisted the mild urge to read the book and shrugged it off. Since then, I've noticed several authors and books that have elicited a similar response. I didn't like all the commotion and reverence and I especially didn't like the different camps and cliques that came about as a result. It almost felt like high school all over again when if you wore Bugle Boy jeans you were with this crowd and if you listened to the Dead Kennedy's you were labeled with this crowd. I've observed that who and what you are reading has become an identity. You would be accepted more by a group people if a certain book was on your reading list or you named a certain author as one of your favorites.

Before you decide to spray paint my car or corner me in a dark alley wielding a pipe, realize that this is a natural thing that happens. People welcome those who are similar and have similar interests and sometimes exclude those who aren't and don't. It's a fact of life.

I quickly got tired of hearing about it and I decided that in order to sidestep the awkward social ritual of acceptance-gaining and clique-assimilation I would avoid the issue altogether by either not picking up a book or not publicizing the books and authors I'm reading. I do enjoy reading and sharpening my mind and spirit through reading but I'm not at all interested in flaunting my current read like a new piece of clothing and discussing my reading list as I would the accomplishments of my children.

Many searches. One destination.

2005-10-10T00:14:00.000-04:00

Following is a list of words and phrases people have used in search engines and found their way to this site. I didn't know this blog was such an authority on the following subjects.

tommy boy, ray zalinski
ray zalinski
temperature of earth's core
being a bookie
what do you need to become a bookie
college bookie
what does a bookie do?
scared of bookie
Bookie's wife
play on word names
small group ministry
"Law & Order" "Criminal Intent"
schwervon blog
recovering from mono
free download of "do you fries with that"
80's hair styles/clothing
Top 25 billboard august 2005
"what you do in moderation your children will do in excess"
self incriminating humor
Explain Ben Franklin's thirteen virtues
list of virtues
divorce "second class christian"
"only one life that soon will pass"
"living in the twilight zone" song 80's
eye of a tiger
eye off the tiger
want to house kyper work
"Sharon Stone" +ancestors +German

Tips for not pissing me off at work

2005-10-07T17:05:00.000-04:00

Updated 10/26/2005

Don't leave me a voice mail AND send me an e-mail telling/asking me the same thing. Do one or the other.

When you send me an e-mail, do not Cc anybody and everybody who may or may not be remotely interested in what you have to say.

If you send me an e-mail, do not call me or stop me at lunch asking me if I've received your e-mail. I did. That's how the system works.

If I offended you by something I said in an e-mail, you probably took it the wrong way so talk to me about it before complaining to other people.

Don't ask me to leave a message for someone. I'm nobody's secretary. Write the note yourself or leave a voicemail.

Also, don't call my extension asking if one of my co-workers is in the office. Again, I'm nobody's secretary. Either leave them a message, send an e-mail, or walk down here and look for yourself.

Do not tell me to call you later. If what you want to talk about is so important, you can call me. It's not that hard.

Remember that you and your department are not the most important thing here. Get in line.

Do not ask questions like, "Are you busy?" or "Are you doing anything right now?". Yes and it's probably none of your business.

Do not approach me during my lunch hour to discuss work. That is my time. I may resort to chewing with my mouth open or coughing on you.

When sending me an e-mail, type a meaningful subject instead of something ambiguous like "Website" or "Question." Pretty much all the e-mails I receive are about a question on the website. Think creatively; it will probably do you a lot of good. Added 10/26/2005

Note: While this accurately represents some of my pet peeves, it's not meant to be taken too seriously.

Blast from the Past: Movies from 1985

2005-10-06T15:16:00.000-04:00

That's right, folks. Here's a partial list of movies from 20 years ago: when sequels were still a fresh idea and guys like Chevy, Sly, Michael, and Steve ruled the big screen. Most of these you can find on cable channels several times a week. What memories do these movies bring to your mind?

Witness (Harrison Ford, Kelly McGillis)
The Breakfast Club (Molly, Judd, Ally, Anthony, Emilio)
Mask (Cher)
Desperately Seeking Susan (Madonna, Rosanna Arquette)
Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (Steve Guttenberg)
Brewster's Millions (Richard Pryor)
Rambo: First Blood Part 2 (Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna)
Fletch (Chevy Chase)
The Goonies (Bunch of Punks)
Cocoon (Steve Guttenberg)
Back to the Future (Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson)
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (Mel Gibson, Tina Turner)
National Lampoon's European Vacation (Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo)
Pee Wee's Big Adventure (Paul Reubens)
Better Off Dead (John Cusack)
Teen Wolf (Michael J. Fox)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (Rubert Englund)
Rocky IV (Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren)
Spies Like Us (Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd)
The Jewel of the Nile (Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny De Vito)

Big Mistake?

2005-10-01T22:53:00.000-04:00

I just ate a plate-full of homemade jalepeno poppers as a late dinner. I chased it with a glass of 50/50, a glass of milk, and a glass of water. I really hope this doesn't come back to haunt me.

Christmas Tips for Guys Who Want to Avoid the Dog House

2005-09-29T17:30:00.000-04:00

A friend mentioned to me the other day that it was 90 days until Christmas. After about 12 minutes of daydreaming about cookies and other festive treats, I wiped the drool off my chin and began to think about what's ahead for the holiday season. It means climbing up into my attic, which is no less difficult than ascending the exterior of a brick two story building with your bare hands, a couple times a week for the next three months fetching decorations and knick-knacks pertaining to three different holidays. It also means envying the neighbors who have neglected to take down their Christmas decor from last year... or from four years ago.

Most importantly, it means getting a head start on Christmas shopping for my wife. I've learned a couple things over the last few years that might help you guys if you haven't figured this out already. I've endured too many sexless nights as a result of waiting until the last minute and have come dangerously close to resorting to gifting a can of soup, an assortment of candy bars, or a convenient store road atlas. So, here are some tips to keep you out of the dog house this Christmas season.

Observe your wife
No, don't check out her caboose, but listen to her and observe the things she talks about. If she's flipping through a magazine, notice the things she points out to you. If you're in the store, pay attention when she shows you a sweater that she likes. When you're at home, listen to her when she says things like, "I wish I had..." or "I really need a..." or "[Some item or piece of clothing] is getting worn out." Otherwise, you will be stuck with trying to conjure up gift ideas in a moment of frustration and despair.
Write it down
Keep a list of ideas in your wallet or PDA. Whenever she mentions something or you get an idea, add it to that list. Do not lose the list.
Start shopping
We want to avoid the Christmas rush in the stores if possible but we also want to make sure we don't miss out on deals when they're available. Don't be afraid to make gift purchases in October. This helps even out the Christmas budget by spreading it out over several paychecks (for those of you, like myself, who don't have Christmas club savings accounts).
Keep shopping
Once you've purchased something, keep watching the prices for that item so you can get a better deal. Many stores will do price matching up to 30 days from the date of purchase. If they lower the price or you find a better price in a different store, they will credit you for the difference. If they don't do price matching, return the gift and buy it at the lower price. Waiting until the last minute doesn't afford you this option and you'll pay whatever the price is at the time.
Purchase more than you need
Don't be afraid to buy more gifts than you were planning on giving her for Christmas. Save some back for Valentine's Day, her birthday, or another occasion. Spare yourself the headache later and quietly gloat in your thoughtfulness.
Don't buy yourself gifts and give them to her
Women can see right through this foolishness. Your wife most likely never asked for an XBOX game, a cordless drill, or an mp3 player so don't buy her one thinking you'll get some use out of it. If you want one of these yourself, save your own money and buy it, you cheap, selfish loser.
Don't buy something that creates more work
Guys don't mind getting more tools and better tools to help them do work around the house. It feeds our ego and makes us feel like men. Women, for the most part, don't seem to like it and even take offense to it. Let's say your wife unwraps a brand new mixer on Christmas morning. She initially expresses false delight but quickly gets defensive and responds, "What? Are you trying to say something about my cooking? You don't think my cooking is good enough? Do you think I need help?! I slave every day cooking and cleaning...." You get the idea. Unless she specifically requests it, avoid these types of gifts. In fact, avoid anything that could be offensive to her. Such gifts include small kitchen appliances, cleaning supplies, and anything that has to do with weight-loss or exercise.
Be careful buying clothes
If your wife has a hard time finding clothes for herself, so will you so. This is a landmine you don't want to step on. Ask her to put something on layaway and then purchase it later. Sure, it takes the surprise out of it at least both of you are confident she's getting the right size, color, style, etc. You could always purchase a gift certificate to your local mall or favorite store and let her do her own shopping. Some think a gift certificate is impersonal but it gives them the thrill of shopping without the guilt of spending money (if your wife has that affliction. Fortunately, mine does.).

Creativity vs. Order

2005-09-26T19:37:00.000-04:00

I have experienced some tension in recent history over several concepts as they relate to church liturgy and worship:

Creativity
Creative expression
Excellence
Perfection
Order
Involvement of the Holy Spirit

In my mind, it boils down to a tension between creativity and order and in a perfect world we'd have a good mix of both. This tension, which isn't necessarily bad, happens on two levels: in the planning process and in the execution of it during the practices and weekend services. We want things to be orderly, planned, and presented excellently and we also want to allow the activity of the Holy Spirit to be present and allow the participants the freedom to be creative. If that's what you're selling, put me down for a dozen.

Ultimately, I think this tension exists because God, in His wisdom, created man in His own image with the capacity to think and be creative. He instilled in us the ability to reason, think logically, to create, and think abstractly. He further sculpted each individual with his own set of strengths and unique abilities to the extent some are more creative and some are more logically-minded. God designed us this way so that we would rely on others to be for us what we cannot be on our own.

However, lately I've observed the polarization of these two ideas. Orderliness would suffer at the expense of creativity and creativity would be squelched at the priority of structure. While this might be true, it's true because it's a problem we ourselves have created and not by design. We have polarized those two concepts and have hung a pendulum in between. We swing the pendulum based on what's working and what's not working. Eventually, your arms will get tired of either swinging the pendulum or holding it in place.

Since we are made in the image of God, and God is both creative and orderly, we should strive to demostrate that in our worship to Him and our communion with other believers. I'm not talking about "balance." I'm suggesting not sacrificing one at the expense of another. Creativity without order becomes chaos. Order without creativity becomes stale.

Somehow, this man-made bout between Order and Creativity turned ugly when the referee turned his back and Perfection and Failure made their way into the ring and caused bedlam. Perfection and started pummeling Creativity and Failure was laying the smackdown on Order. The problem is Perfection and Failure weren't invited to this match because they're not in opposition to Creativity and Order. Perfection does not side with Order against Creativity. Failure (or the permission of failure) and Creativity do not join forces against Order.

The opposite of failure is achievement.

The opposite of perfection is being flawed.

The opposite of order is chaos.

The opposite of creativity is lack of imagination.

I want to address the idea of perfection. We are not perfect nor could we be humanly perfect. That does not mean we should not try our hardest and strive for excellence. Everyone makes mistakes but that does not excuse us from not trying to prevent mistakes through practice and/or preparedness.

As a contributor of a corporate gathering governed by order, led by the Spirit, and crafted by creativity, I take seriously my role to offer the best of myself and my talents to God for His honor and pleasure and to assist others in pursuing communion with God and His people. Unless I am mistaken, this should be the goal of every participant from the greeter to the preacher to every instrumentalist and lead worshiper. I am afraid we have created unnecessary polarizations and correlations that have led to mediocrity in the offering of ourselves to God in worship.

Some questions:

How do we achieve order without sacrificing creativity? How do we achieve creativity without sacrificing order? Are these valid questions?
If you had to choose either order or creativity, which would it be? Why?
What part does the Holy Spirit play in the corporate worship of the living God?
What is the responsibility of those involved to create an environment condusive to worship?
How important is it for the participants to be prepared for worship in their hearts and in their abilities?
What part do these things play during a corporate worship gathering? Excellence, failure, mistakes, creativity, self-expression, structure, humanness.

Self Improvement 101

2005-09-22T22:22:00.000-04:00

A person's life is a complex, multi-dimensional, nebulous mass of metaphysical goo.

I've decided, after noticing a self-inflicted hand-shaped mark on my forehead almost as permanent as the tattoo on my arm, that I have too many unpleasant quirks and deficiencies (I'm not talking about vitamin deficiencies, although I probably have those as well). Everybody has them. I should know because I'm a master at noticing others' faults... that's one of my mine. If you don't know what yours are and I haven't told you yet, just ask because I probably have a mental list.

Now, this didn't come to me as an epiphany one evening on the toilet or through a message contained in the visual configuration of my breakfast cereal but something I've been become more aware of over time. It's not unlike routinely opening your refrigerator and discovering what's inside. You see last month's foil-covered chicken pot pie transforming into a mossy, colorful, inedible treat but you put off throwing it away because either you're too lazy or garbage day isn't until six days from now. My soul, body, and spirit feel like a half-neglected icebox stocked with a steady supply of fresh food and month-old, moldy casseroles.

While I don't think there are any magical formulas to improving one's character I do think it takes a combination of realization, persistence, failure, God's help, and a whollotta other things to achieve a greater level of mental equilibrium, physical health, and personal holiness. My method thus far has been similar to attempting to win the lottery without buying a lottery ticket... great ambition with little or no effort. However, lately I have been giving a little more effort and I've been seeing some progress.

In my quest to find an aid that would help me in the day-to-day, I remembered something I briefly studied in high school: Ben Franklin's 13 Virtues. Partially motivated by Philippians 4:8, Franklin developed a method for regulating his future conduct. He came up with a list of thirteen virtues and kept track of his progress in each discipline daily while honing in on one specific virtue per week.

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness and drink not to elevation.
2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.
3. Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste nothing.
6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanness in body, clothes or habitation.
11. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; Never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
12. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

As I look at this list of qualities I see several words that don't often pass over my lips. Even though Benny F. provided a short description with each virtue, I consulted a dictionary for a couple of them. This list of virtues was compiled over 200 years ago so I'll be taking that into account. I mean, c'mon, what's this "rarely use venery" about? And this "cut off all unnecessary action" is a bit overboard. Seriously, though, I could be using my time a little more intentionally for better things but I don't plan on cancelling my DirecTV or throwing away my xbox games.

My plan is to heighten my awareness of these areas in my life each day instead of performing a radical transformation I can't possibly sustain. My plan is also for focused prayer, reading, introspection, evaluation, and correction a little bit at a time.

Now, I guess I'm on to temperance. I guess I won't be downing a monster bowl of buttery popcorn and chasing that with moutainous scoops of ice cream. Maybe a small bowl.

Monday Anagram Fun

2005-09-19T23:56:00.000-04:00

I saw a comment on a friend's blog which listed a couple anagrams of his name. Thanks to the Internet Anagram Server, I've compiled a list of some anagrams and added punctuation where appropriate.

Matthew James Book (my full name)

WE MOJO MATH BASKET
BAKE A JEW MOTH MOST
A BATHS JET WOKE MOM
SMOKE THEM TWO, BAJA
OK, SAMBA, TOM THE JEW
TOMAHAWKS JOB MEET
OMAHA BMW JOKE TEST
JET WOKE ASTHMA MOB
MAMA BE THE JOTS WOK
MAMBO SHAKO JEWETT
BEAST MET HAWK MOJO
TAKETH ME MOJO SWAB

Bowling Green, Ohio (my hometown)

BIGGER WHOLE ONION
BOOGER WHINE LINGO
OBLONG GENII WHORE

Bowling Green

BOGGLE WINNER
BEEN GROWLING
BELGE INGROWN
BONNER WIGGLE

Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania (where I live)

SACRAMENTALISM VINYL PUNKS
ALMANAC'S SKINNY LIVER STUMP
CANASTA LUMPS SLINKY MERVIN
TIMMY LURKS SAVANNA'S PENCIL

Clarks Summit

A SLICK MR. SMUT
MARKISM CULTS
RATS SCUM MILK

24 Season 1 [Spoilers]

2005-09-18T00:15:00.000-04:00

I just finished a 4 day marathon viewing of 24 season 1 as a part of my vasectomy therapy. It took several episodes before I was really hooked and I could have turned it off after the first five hours and not lost any sleep. But, I stuck with it and it grew on me. I can't tell if I became hooked on the show itself or if I was just curious about seeing the situation resolved. It's like Elaine on Seinfeld who was determined to close the buy-twelve-get-one-sub-free deal and get her free sub since she had eaten twelve bad subs. She had mistakenly written her fake telephone number on the back of the card and gave it so mr. denim vest. Anyway, I had invested several hours into it and was curious about how it was going to turn out. Since I wasn't going anywhere, I continued on with my bag of frozen peas soothing my genitals.

I kind of liked watching the entire season within a short period of time. I was really able to soak it all in as opposed to trying to remember what happened the week before and anticipating the next episode. I haven't decided if I'm interested in watching the next season when it comes on in January because I don't think I could handle watching one hour at a time for a several months. Lost was the same way and I didn't have any mental collapses watching that over an entire season so I might be ok.

There were some things I observed about the first season that were a little frustrating. First of all, they could have boiled everything down to a standard 8-9 hour work day and reworked the show to be a mini-series rather than a full 24-episode season. The reason is they just kept recycling the same situations over and over and over. I mean, how many times does someone get kidnapped, escape, get kidnapped, escape, etc? Think about it. How different was what happened in one episode than what happened in another episode?

Another thing I noticed was how the chain of evil people kept getting longer and more evil. Initially, you think the scumbag behind the assassination attempt and kidnappings is this evil man. But no! He's working for a different, more evil man. But alas! That man is working for another more eviler man. Each hour you're introduced to a more evilier man with the "real" motive behind the events of the day and a different nationality. Yes, I'm making up words. I'm evilesque.

While this is going on, you're being jerked around with the personnel within the agency. Uh oh. There's a mole in the midst. It's him! No, it's him! No, it's her. It's not her because it's him. No, now it's this other guy. It must be this other girl because we caught her doing something and she killed herself. But wait, there's another mole. Is it him, him, him, or her?

If you are being guarded by a team of guys in Members Only jackets, they will all be killed and you will be kidnapped... again.

Apparently, there is always someone in a different office in another part of the country who has the clearance, authority, and willingness to give you anything you need and in the next five minutes.

Every car in California comes with a set of keys factory-installed in the sun visor.

Lack of food, lack of sleep, being wounded by gunfire, and extreme physical and emotional exertion will not diminish your ability to make sound judgments, drive a car, fire a gun accurately, and negotiate with terrorists.

All in all, it was a good show. I'll have to sit down with my day planner and the fall television line-up to determine which shows merit a TIVO Season Pass. I'd have to give up one of the Law & Orders or a CSI if I want to squeeze this in so I'm not obligated to watch too much television each week. The jury is still out on this one.

Selfishness Exposed!!!

2005-09-13T13:58:00.000-04:00

I don't think I've seen so many acts of selfishness as I have seen in the last few weeks. It shouldn't surprise me since it was pride and selfishness that brought sin into existence and Paul warned Timothy that in the last days people will be lovers of themselves and proud (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

You see selfishness on a small scale everyday and we almost expect that from people. My children are often very selfish but the extent of their actions and attitudes is not that far reaching. The world doesn't crumble because my daughter ripped a toy out of my son's hand. We don't see a counselor because I want to rent this movie and my wife wants to see another.

What I've been seeing lately is some major stuff that seriously impacts the welfare and future of a lot of people. It's one thing to make a choice that inconveniences a couple people for a short period of time but to make a deliberate decision to negatively alter the course of another person's life as a result of a selfish act is repulsive. Where is love in these situations? I'll tell you where it is... it's a very present and obvious love in which the object is self. It's egocentric, greedy, and self-serving.

It's not only love directed at self but it's also hate directed toward others. They may not verbally acknowledge hatred but their actions shout it loud and clear screaming, "I choose myself over you!"

Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

On a more serious note

2005-09-12T23:55:00.000-04:00

I received a phone call from Steph this afternoon informing me that my 55 year-old neighbor directly across the street had taken his life. As in every terrible situation, there are so many perspectives and so many people affected and hurt. I ask that you take a moment to intercede on behalf of the family, friends, and neighbors.

As a former man of the cloth, I felt an obligation to be present to listen, be supportive, and provide answers when necessary. I prayerfully welcomed that task as I drove home early from work. Several of us neighbors were talking in the driveway and someone mentioned the need to say a prayer for him. While I know it's no use to pray for the dead, I knew that openly crying out to God for wisdom and comfort for the living would be appropriate. As intentionally unceremonious as I could, I prayed.

I found myself in a similar situation about 7-8 years ago when a new-comer to our youth group's mother suddenly became sick and passed away. I was with the family in the hospital when she died and was asked to pray moments after her passing. [Warning: Christianese and possible offensive language ahead] I knew the religious background of the family and was fairly certain she was not a believer. Her eternal destiny was sealed about 4 minutes prior to this moment and there are no amount of prayers that can change that. In any case, I prayed for the family as I did today.

More thoughts later, probably. I'm tired.

Vasectomy Survival Kit

2005-09-12T22:42:00.000-04:00

In light of my procedure this week, I put together a little survival kit to help me get through the few days of discomfort. I'll be prescribed some sort of pain medicine. I hope it's the really good stuff people say you should stay away from because they're addictive. I'm pretty sure the jock i so my boys don't fall out (kidding). The frozen peas are for the swelling and the rest is to help pass the time.

It's a one-man show

2005-09-01T23:53:00.000-04:00

For some reason I've been bombarded with the idea of making sure you have someone to talk to about the secret and personal things going on in your life. Yeah, I know it doesn't sound like the manly thing to do but apparently in Christendom, it's all the rage. It seems like I'm getting it from all angles and I think I'm starting to take the hint. The thing is I've read about this in Christian books on "real manhood", agreed to it in small groups (and adopted a non-self-incriminating, shallow form of it), and I even preached on it in my years in the ministry. Practially, however, I never got around to it.

Why? It's not me. Just like the mullet or a red jacket with a couple dozen zippers, it's not my style. Talking openly about my feelings, thoughts, and concerns fits me about as good as the 30x30 Bugle Boy jeans I wore in high school.

My parents were visiting last year and, as it inevitably does, the topic of my childhood came up. This is when everyone gets a good laugh at the stupid things I did. I'd prefer to get my giggles from the television in this case but, nevertheless, I must endure these all too frequent roasting sessions. No one ever praises my accomplishments like when I won my state degree in the Future Farmers of America or the time I took first place in the softball throwing contest in the spring field day of my 6th grade year. Those sweet memories and feats of greatness will just have to exist in my memory alone. During one of these episodes of borderline abuse, my mom brought up the fact that whenever I got hurt, even as a little fella barely able to walk and construct a mathematical equation, I would run off into my bedroom to sulk and weep over my suffering in isolation. Such has been my song in the face of turmoil and grief these last many years.

Will it ever change? I can't say. I willingly distance myself from close relationships to avoid the awkward inner confrontation between being transparent and being reclusive. It's easy not to spill out your soul over coffee with someone whom you only have a social friendship.

The truth is I'm satisfied and I'm not. I'm satisfied because this is familiar to me. I'm not satisfied not because I feel I'm in danger of going off the deep end and desperately need help and companionship but because I know there is fulfillment and freedom in unveiling the hidden paths no one has traveled.

It hasn't been a good day

2005-08-26T16:50:00.000-04:00

My kids woke up way too early.
I had a doctor's appointment and the Dr. jammed his finger so far up my ass my throat tickles.
I learned I'm being moved to a different department.
It's been an extremely hot summer and we're not going to the Harford Fair tonight because it's too cold.
I got stumped by a cartoon and had to ask a friend to explain it to me.

Billboard Top 25 - August 25, 1990

2005-08-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

Here's a little blast from the past... the Top 25 Billboard Chart from August 25, 1990. What were you doing when these songs were on the radio?

Vision of Love, Mariah Carey
I have visions of her career plummeting.
Come Back To Me, Janet Jackson
Oh, this is too easy.
If Wishes Came True, Sweet Sensation
Unskinny Bop, Poison
Mmm Bop.
Blaze of Glory (From "Young Guns II"), Jon Bon Jovi
Release Me, Wilson Phillips
Must...resist...
Do Me!, Bell Biv Devoe
Willem Dafoe? That dude is poison.
Have You Seen Her, M.C. Hammer
Has anyone seen M.C. Hammer?
Jerk Out, The Time
Epic, Faith No More
Exploding piano!!
Could This Be Love, Seduction
The Power, Snap
Who's got the power? I do.
Tonight, New Kids On The Block
Tonight my parents let me stay up past 9:30 so I could write this song.
Cradle of Love, Billy Idol
Not his finest work. Ride the pony. C'mon. More, more, more. It's a nice day to... START AGAIN!!
Love and Affection, Nelson
Dudes look like two ladies!
Make You Sweat, Keith Sweat
Long 'E' or short 'E'?
King of Wishful Thinking, Go West
I tell myself I'm over this song.
Thieves in the Temple, The Artist
Was this Prince? Maybe it was The Artist formerly known as Prince Cougar Mellencamp.
Tic-Tac-Toe, Kyper
This is how you say Bell Biv Devoe in Farsi.
Banned In The U.S.A., Luke Featuring The 2 Live Crew
I've never heard of Paul and Barnabas referred to as The 2 Live Crew.
Love and Emotion, Stevie B
I hear he's pushing a more mature persona and going by the name Stephen B.
Across the River, Bruce Hornsby
What happened to The Range? He should change his name to Horny B.
The Other Side, Aerosmith
Rub You the Right Way, Johnny Gill
Because if you rub the wrong way she'll bite you or you'll get a splinter.
Close To You, Maxi Priest
The maxi-priest is the larger-size, 15 passenger priest.

Why can't we all be normal?

2005-08-16T11:30:00.000-04:00

I grew up having a fairly normal life. That is, I had a rather normal, nuclear family. Although it was blended with half-siblings, we felt and operated like a family. I was the youngest of five with a nineteen year span between me and the oldest so I didn't know any different. There may have been rough times in prior years but it felt normal to me and I always thought this is what a family was supposed to feel like. My parents loved each other and were still together (still are, praise the Lord!) and they had regular jobs. Neither of them were in and out of prison nor had any trouble with the law. Our family always had a decent meal to eat and adequate clothing and shelter.

Ever since I was a little kid, I noticed the kids who didn't have a normal family like me. Some of them, many of them actually, were my best friends. They never talked about their situation or lamented the fact that they live with their mom and visit their dad on weekends. It never seemed to bother Chris that when his mom remarried he and his brother changed their last names from Rice to Chamberlain. Karen didn't complain that she and her sister lived in two different foster homes while her dad was in jail. Aaron didn't get upset at his family situation when we couldn't hang out on the weekend because he had to go visit his dad. Jen merely rolled her eyes at the fact that her parents seemingly hated each other. I didn't treat them any different but I wondered what they thought about their families and growing up without a traditional, nuclear family unit. I wondered what they thought about their dad being an alcoholic, having bedrooms in two different houses, or not having the privilege of sharing a meal or a trip to the store with both parents at the same time.

What stirs both anger and compassion in me is the fact that kids enslaved in these realities had neither the option of choosing the structure of their existence nor the power to improve it. They are pawns in the system of unfairness and innocent victims of the sins of society.

I look at my seven-year old and get tears in my eyes at the thought of him having to struggle with the hardships that other kids face. I couldn't imagine him having to live out his youth being shipped off to dad's house every other weekend or live in a blended family where his half-siblings are favored and he has to sleep in the basement and wear ratty, second-hand clothes. I couldn't imagine my two-year-old daughter growing up in an orphanage not knowing what it's like to enjoy a mother brushing her hair or hold daddy's hand as they walk down the street. I wish every child could feel and experience the love of a family and I hope God will grant me many years to walk through life with my children with my wonderful wife by my side.

7 PM Approaches

2005-08-15T18:59:00.000-04:00

A caravan of SUVs and mini-vans are descending upon the Book household as the Bookie finds himself increasingly and uncomfortably surrounded by a gaggle of estrogen mesmerized by the lure of PartyLite. Scott, be my redemption!

Spamgelism

2005-08-09T12:53:00.000-04:00

I dislike spam. I wouldn't say that I hate spam because spam is such an insignificant thing to devote such a strong emotion. I won't give the spammers the satisfaction of hating the 2K piece of solicitation that made its way into my junk mail folder (thanks to my spam filters).

Let's think about this issue a little differently for a moment. Consider for a moment that many of the emails classified as spam contain true and viable information. Glancing through my box o' spam, I see emails on subjects such as meeting online singles, winning free stuff, improving my sex life, hair loss remedies, low mortgage rates, and the list goes on.

What if it were all true? In fact, I have no doubt there are companies out there which offer lower mortgage rates, help you find your match, and offer products that increase hair growth. If you elimiate the possibility that these senders of unsolicited email are trying to infect you with a virus or a piece of spyware and if the email takes you to a legitimate web site, what are you left with? You're left with a legitimate piece of advertising. Unwanted? Yes, but still legit.

What we have here, folks, is the electronic equivalent to door-to-door evangelism. How does door-to-door evangelism work? You show up at someone's house unwelcomed and uninvited and, if they answer the door, pitch your product of redemption to them... if you get that far. Most likely, you're cursed at, have the door slammed in your face, and you are impolitely instructed where to reposition the piece of free literature in the unilluminated parts of your body.

Is your product true and viable? Absolutely. But people don't buy it or even consider it when it's forced upon them in that way. Maybe we need to do a little evaluation on how we sell our stuff instead of spamming people with the message of J3Su$ CHR1$T.

Note: Please don't turn off your spam filters and start buying into everything that comes into your inbox. If you do and receive a free iPod, it's mine... I called it.

DJ Jazzy Jesus and the Holy Spirit

2005-08-08T16:45:00.000-04:00

I turned on the Christian radio station yesterday morning as I was speeding from one church building to another (I figured I was justified that way) and the station wasn't coming in very clear. I must have been in a weird spot because it sounded like I was picking up two different stations. I could hear Lord, I Lift Your Name On High along with what sounded like a secular pop song. It was all very confusing because I couldn't zero in on one particular station.

At the risk of sounding hokey, I realized that this is what our spiritual crainium filter probably hears as we're feeding it an unbalanced diet (television, Internet, music, literature, etc.) through our pupil cases and audio holes.

We try to mix the funky tunes of the world's radio station with the smooth sounds of the Spirit and our spiritual groove gets out of whack.

Don't ruin it for me

2005-08-06T15:40:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting on the couch watching Napoleon Dynamite for probably the half-a-dozenth time (I have one eye on the computer and one eye on the TV). I'm glad this movie achieved so much success and notoriety but I'm getting tired of all the grassroots publicity it's getting.

My friend, Scott, introduced this movie to me many months before this movie came out on the big screen. In fact, we were watching the trailer and quoting lines before it even had a release date. A few months later, others started talking about it and began quoting the same lines I was familiar with for, like, flippin' four months... GOSH! Sorry, about that. I got carried away.

That's the thing, though. I'm hearing it day in and day out. I don't mind hearing the quotes and rehearsing the scenes if Napoleon fanboys would quote them accurately. Hearing a misquoted line from a movie is as annoying as watching someone chew their food with their mouth open. This society is densely populated with fanboys who flub-up Pedro, Kip, and Napoleon sayings and my guess is many of those people aren't really fans of the movie (possibly never even seen it) as much as they are fans of fitting in. Either get it right, people, or just don't even try.

Progeny, 'Puters, and Pervs

2005-08-05T16:30:00.000-04:00

My son is 7 1/2 and pretty innocent as far as I can tell. He's a lot more innocent than I was at that age but I had older siblings who were well versed in colorful language and skillful in the ways of wrongdoing. For example, I have several boxes of children's books I saved from when I was a kid. Ryan and Steph were reading one together the other night and my wife stumbled with a word. Then she started to smirk. She showed me the evidence of my rebellious childhood: I had changed a letter in the word "shut" and tried to cross out the entire word with a black marker. I have other examples but I'll save the rest of my dignity.

I became very scared, angry, and nervous last summer when I heard of a couple boys that had just moved into the neighborhood were attempting to share their booby magazines with some of the other local children. We warned Ryan as best we could to stay away from anything or anyone strange and to come home immediately if he felt uncomfortable about something. Those situations we can manage for the most part because he's smart enough to keep himself from danger and we can observe who's in the neighborhood and what's going on.

My big concern is when he's at the computer. He doesn't spend a lot of time on there but when he does he's usually on the Internet visiting sites like nickjr.com, noggin.com, or playhousedisney.com. We've setup favorites for him so he doesn't have to type it all out and make a mistake. So far, we've had no problems with him on the computer.

However, I work in the web industry and I know how things work. You innocently click on this flashy thing and then that thing over there and eventually, BOOM!, you're glaring at an advertisement with a pair of double D's staring back at you. Clicking on those... I mean it, the advertisement, would take you to an e-world filled with enough visual stimulation to make you want to cancel your cable television.

That's what I'm afraid of. He'll be lured by the siren's song of a neat picture or a cool link and then he's off in Skinland with his innocence exposed to a whole new world of debauchery and hedonism.

This has prompted me to think about how we, as parents, are going to protect our children from the scum of the Internet. Here are some ideas I have:

Keep the computer in a central location and easily visible. He doesn't need his own computer in his own room.
Setup bookmarks he can click on in the Link Bar so he doesn't have to type in the address
Spend time with him showing him what to click on but also let him do a little exploring on his own when he feels comfortable.
Establish his own account on the computer (which he has) and work with the security settings that will block sites that contain inappropriate content.
Use a browser like Firefox that blocks pop-up windows. I'm pretty sure you can also block images or advertisements from different sites.
If he gets into IM-ing, use a program like Trillian that logs IM conversations. Establish up front that you'll be reading those from time to time. Ryan is seven so I don't think I'll have to worry about IM-ing just yet. I plan on setting him up with an account so he can practice messaging me during the day. Same with email.
As he gets older and does more with the web, explain some of the dangers of using the Internet and the importance of not sharing personal information with anyone.
Make sure if he's filling out information online or subscribing to a site or service that his information will be kept secure and not sold or given to other companies or individuals. Check/uncheck the boxes not to receive any additonal emails. Keep him off the spam lists as much as possible.
Look at some parenting web sites that go into a lot more detail about helping your kids safely get online.

If you have any other good ideas, feel free to comment and post them here.

Prayers by the Pen

2005-08-04T14:17:00.000-04:00

I've taken part in a short discussion lately on the practice of writing prayers to be read publicly. Growing up, I got the idea that writing prayers was something the heathen churches did and that writing out your prayers to read in public wasn't sincere. You should pray extemporaneously "from the heart."

In response to that argument, let me ask a couple questions. What is different about someone calling you up on the phone or writing you a letter? Is one method of communication sincere and the other impersonal?

Profiling

2005-08-04T10:09:00.000-04:00

First of all, let me say that I consider myself to be a fair person when it comes to race and I wouldn't classify myself as a bigot or racist by any stretch of the imagination. I've always tried to show respect and love to any skin color or racial background. I wrote a little about this on my original blog but I haven't transferred it over to this one yet. The reason I bring that up again is because of what I'm about to say about racial profiling.

I don't think it's such a bad thing. While racial profiling might go against everything the ACLU stands for, it coincides quite nicely with common sense. Let me give you a down-home example of profiling from my own life. If I come home from work and my wife is working on the laundry downstairs, my son is playing on the porch, and my daughter is playing with her dolls in her room and I find a bunch of crayon markings on the wall, who do I think would have done it? Based on past experiences with each member of my family I'm fairly certain my two-year-old made the markings on the wall with a crayon.

When I was a youth pastor in Michigan, one evening after a significant snowfall, I descended from my mobile home to find my car was excessively covered in snow. My mind considered the usual suspects...

the Good Lord saw fit to relocate the snow from my driveway to my car
my 75 year-old neighbor, who was in Florida, flew back for this occasion
the pastor whom I was working with must have been retaliating for something I said or grief I caused him
a couple of teens from the youth group were playing a prank on me

Actually, the first three didn't even run through my mind because I knew it was a few familiar adolescent pranksters.

Was it unfair of me to jump to those conclusions with my daughter and those teens? Should I have interrogated anyone who could have done it, such as my wife and my pastor? It would have been disrespectful if I questioned them, "Pastor, did you cover my car with snow?" or "Steph, did you write on the wall with a crayon?". Past experience taught me maybe not who to accuse but at least who to question.

Let's consider racial profiling. On a practical, everyday level I would imagine everyone would approve of racial profiling. If you don't approve of it, tell me what you think after you're randomly searched in a subway or airline terminal. You'll probably say to the handsy, uniformed official, "Why did you pick me? I'm a white guy. I don't fit the profile." It won't take you long to be an advocate for racial profiling once a couple thugs with badges and cold fingers violate your personal space.

If you're not guilty or you don't look like you did anything wrong you should have nothing to worry about. The Brazilian who got whacked in London should have known better than to flee but shame on the police for what they did. It's an unfortunate situation.

Profiling happens so get over it and get on with life. It doesn't mean that ever two-year-old writes on walls with crayons, every teenager plays immature pranks, every guy who drives a red sports car loves to speed, or every blonde is an airhead. But, if you have some crayon on your wall or a bus blows up you know who to talk to.

Another Awkward Situation

2005-08-02T22:37:00.000-04:00

Our church has a Celebrate Recovery ministry which helps people with their "hurts, habits, and hang-ups." They deal with all kinds of addictions like over-eating, alcohol and drug use, and sexual addiction. I've heard nothing but good things about it and I'm glad people are getting the help they need with whatever burdens them.

I've been recruited on a few occasions to be a guest musician during their worship. I was really excited about it at first because I want to see this ministry succeed. A couple hours before I attended the first time I started to get really nervous and uncomfortable. I started to put myself in the shoes of those who regularly participate in CR and I figured if I were them, I wouldn't want outsiders to come in. I'd feel like I'm there to deal with some deep emotional and spiritual issues and I don't want people walking in and out, coming and going like a convenience store with me on display advertising that I've got serious issues in my life. I certainly wouldn't want to feel like that and I wouldn't want to put them in that position. After all, one of the secular equivalents to this program is Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm sure these people want as much anonymity as possible. I understand the church is very protective of what goes on at the church building during that time to ensure this.

I expressed my concern with the ministry leader who is the friend that recruited me. He said it was going to be fine and they were used to people coming and going. I was still nervous. Who was I going to see? Would I recognize anyone? How would I be received?

People started coming in. I recognized a lot of people although some were leaders and some were participants and I couldn't easily distinguish between them. Maybe many were both. It was difficult not to think, "Gee, I wonder what his problem is," but I tried not to. I tried to remember that they are seeking God's healing in their lives.

When it was time to get up to play and worship, I couldn't make eye contact with anyone. I couldn't even look at anyone because I didn't want them to think I was judging them because they were there. Just the opposite was true; I respected them for their courage to step forward and take control of their hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Still, I couldn't look at them.

I've gone back two other times: once for a picnic and tonight for another regular session. I don't feel nervous and uncomfortable like I did the first time. However, I did see a guy there who I'm pretty sure was his first time. He looked very uncomfortable. Admitting sin is a hard thing to do. Admitting sin to a group of people you hardly know is insane, but beautiful. We should see more of that in the local church, in a small group, or with our close friends.

Curious Son

2005-08-01T21:13:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here in front of the TV with my laptop and my son says, "Dad, are you watching TV or doing the computer?"

Me: "I'm doing both."

Son: "How can you do both? Do you have one eye up there (points at TV) and one eye on the computer?"

He's cute.

Promises, promises

2005-08-01T20:15:00.000-04:00

If you want to gain credibility as a politician, entertainer, or some other public figure, it's probably not a good idea to make a conditional promise in which the outcome could result in a major life change or the act of self sacrifice. For example, Alec Baldwin stated that he would move to France if George W. Bush was elected president for a second term. In the news recently, columnist Helen Thomas said, "The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself."

I'm not saying Alec and Helen should follow through with these claims but if you're going to be so pompous and arrogant at least promise something reasonable and follow through with it.

Alec Baldwin: If George W. Bush is elected, I'll stuff my clothes full of marshmallows and sit in a sauna for 30 minutes.

Helen Thomas: The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll shave my head and parade around Washington dressed as a punk rocker.

Still More Random Thoughts

2005-07-31T23:13:00.000-04:00

I don't pretend to know a lot about politics or wax eloquent about the Republican vs. Democratic issues. One thing I know is that I'm sure glad that John Kerry didn't win. (I'm not intending to spark a debate.)
Our Divorce Care ministry at our church should meet at the coffee bar at our Glenburn campus and should rename itself "Grounds for Divorce."
On a related note, I'm tired of the play-on-word names of coffee houses including the word GROUNDS.
I'm also tired of using the word WORSHIP as an adjective when it comes to church liturgy and practice. e.g worship bulletins, worship comments, worship service, worship pencils.
The music I was using in last week's service through me for a loop when we were singing And Can It Be? when the text read, "Died He for me, who caused His pain?". It's not a question, you idiot, it's an appositive.
Don't feel like you can correct me on any grammatical errors I might make. Just because I know what an appositive is doesn't mean I have grammar nailed down 100%. I am fallible.
I'm glad my wife is taking some time today to watch movies and play xbox. She deserves some down time.
Burnout 3: Takedown is a kick-ass game.

TIVO has saved my life

2005-07-29T16:53:00.000-04:00

You'd think that the demigods of the entertainment industry would do everything in their power to encourage me to spend more money and conditioning me with non-stop advertisements. I've recently read that hour-long television shows used to contain 44-46 minutes of programming and now that is reduced to 41-42 minutes because of the added commercials. This means that if I sit through 3 hours of television in a night (which is extremely rare) with no restroom or refreshment breaks, I receive almost 60 full minutes of propoganda about products and services that that pay the bills of the entertainment conglomerates. They want me to watch commercials. I can hardly escape them wherever I go. The same article I referenced informed me that a typical hour-long program is broken up into eight segments. That means commericals occur approximately every 4 minutes and last around 2 minutes. That's a lot of opportunities to poop and visit the fridge. Magazines, radio, and other forms of media are the same way. The entertainment moguls are pushing advertising because it pays the bills.

Enter TIVO.

TIVO is a service that allows you to customize your television watching experience. It's well worth the extra $5 per month. You can read about all the cool things it does but let me tell you how it's rocked my world.

I watch less TV. Studies show that's a good thing. More TV: bad. Less TV: good. I no longer veg on the couch flipping through channels finding something to kill 30 minutes of time before Law and Order: Criminal Intent comes on. I choose the programs I want to see and enjoy them when I intentionally sit down to watch television.
I watch what I want when I want. No more trying to watch King of Queens when the kids are all hopped on desserts from dinner. I don't have to rush home from worship team rehearsal to catch the next episode of Lost and have my wife fill me in on the details of the first 15 minutes.
Commercials go bye-bye. Well, not entirely. I watch commericals at 4x the speed so I really don't see any of them. The downfall of this is that I rarely see movie previews and never hear about the new creation at Pizza Hut. I'll live. I already know that Lucky Charms is "magically delicious."
No more conversations like this: "I thought I taped your scrapbooking show on this VHS tape. Oops, I must have accidentally taped over it with this liver transplant I wanted to watch." In fact, I don't think I've even touched a VHS tape in months. When DirecTV gets their act together, I'll be able to save programs on my computer and burn them to DVD.

If you don't have TIVO, look into it. It could change your life like it changed mine. My name is Matt and I watch TV.

Practical Communism

2005-07-27T13:25:00.000-04:00

As I was going to and fro in my automobile during the lunch hour, I started pondering. If everybody worked 40 hours each week and all made the same amount of money, what job would I want to hold? Would I be content with a job that normally pays less or would I opt for a higher stress job if the money factor was taken out of the equation? I'm going to chew on this for a while. In the meantime, a quote from one of my favorite movies:

I don't want to buy anything, sell anything, or process anything. I don't want to buy anything sold, bought or processed; sell anything bought, sold, or processed; or process anything sold, bought, or processed as a career. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

Artwork

2005-07-22T14:07:00.000-04:00

Matt as defined by Google

2005-07-15T11:21:00.000-04:00

I was instructed to Google (yes, we have officially made Google a verb) the words "Matt is" including the quotes. Following is a list of some interesting things I've found. Things make more sense to me now that I know my true self.

Matt is an award-winning writer and photographer.
Matt is the straight-edge, Catholic raver/virgin.
Matt is the one associating Republicans with extremists.
Matt is looking for a few good strategists.
Matt is gone.
Matt is also offering his services as a consultant.
Matt is also recording in a classic format with exciting new results.
Matt is sexier than Paul?
Matt is becoming frustrated.
Matt is a little edgy at first, but then the monster reassures him that he is a friendly monster.
Matt is young and energetic, and has a real passion for poker.
Matt is also one half of Schwervon.
Matt is buried alongside his canary in the cemetary.
Matt is loved by the residents of Portland.
Matt is getting back into it.
Matt is able to speak knowledgeably of his own progress because of his frequent appearances in the hospital's weekly limb deficiency clinic.
Matt is perhaps best known as a television meteorologist.
Matt is learning to become a skilled hunter from Attean.
Matt is really making his mark as a leader of bass recordings that may change the face of his instrument.
Matt is an exemplary young man in all facets.
Matt is miserable with his life of one night stands.
Matt is very adept at getting what he wants.
Matt is buying beer for everyone who attends his party in Pouce Coupe, BC.
Matt is a clone of El Patron, a powerful drug lord of the land of Opium.
Matt is obsessed with chairs.
Matt is spending far too much time quietly sharpening his machete.
Matt is treated as inhuman by most people.

Good ol' days

2005-07-10T20:55:00.000-04:00

What happened to the good ol' days when if you wanted to have your water hose spray out across the lawn you had to put your thumb over the end?

I was yellow once

2005-07-08T00:02:00.000-04:00

After seeing a news cast about donating blood, I visited the American Red Cross web site to see if I am still able to donate. I was ineligible for 12 months a couple years ago because of a tattoo but I was wondering if I'm eligible since I have Epstein-Barr Syndrome. Well, it turns out that I can no longer donate blood. Yes, the American Red Cross forbids me from giving even though my blood type is O-negative. Here's what their web site states:

If you had hepatitis (inflammation of the liver) caused by a virus, or unexplained jaundice (yellow discoloration of the skin), since age 11, you are not eligible to donate blood. This includes those who had hepatitis with Cytomegalovirus (CMV), or Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV), the virus that causes Mononucleosis.

I was yellow once. I had a mad case of jaundice on Memorial Day of last year. I was all kinds of yellow (or as they say in less industrialized areas of the country: yeller).

It's kind of depressing because, even though I haven't donated in several years, this was something I was thinking about doing again and always considered it a privilege. Now, I'm banned. My blood is no good to society.

Unfortunately, many local churches treat a wayward believer in the same fashion. One mistake and you're labeled. One indescretion or a time of rebellion and you're unqualified. One poor choice and you're a second-class Christian in the eyes of everyone, unfit to lead or serve, and there's nothing you can do about restoring your reputation and good-standing in the local church.

If only we could love the way God loves and forget like God forgets. God still loves me even if I was yellow once.

Peeping Tom Pulled From Outhouse Tank

2005-06-29T11:10:00.000-04:00

I try not to be one of those bloggers who posts news or funny stories without comment or purpose. I don't want to be one of those witless bloggers who don't put any thought to what they're posting although I have been guilty of that from time to time. I have some interesting things cooking in my melon so just hang in there. In the meantime, read this. It sickens me in the extreme.

Peeping Tom Pulled From Outhouse Tank
Tue Jun 28, 6:38 PM ET

A 45-year-old man was arrested after a teenage girl found him staring at her from below an outhouse seat, police said. Police said they pulled Gary Moody, from Gardiner, Maine, from the waste tank under a log cabin outhouse on Monday.

"We had to decontaminate him," said Capt. Jon Hebert of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department, adding that firefighters hosed the man down before police handcuffed him. "We treated him as if he were hazardous material," Hebert said.

Moody was charged with criminal trespass. Hebert said he could face more charges.

Moody was freed on bail for a July 19 appearance in Northern Carroll County District Court in North Conway.

Darth Kirk

2005-06-16T00:15:00.000-04:00

So, now I wear a mask when I sleep. It's really just a contraption that goes over my nose with straps to hold it in place. A mask can be defined as "A covering worn on the face to conceal one's identity". I'm clearly not hiding from somebody and, at the risk of getting too personal, I have never masqueraded in the bedroom. Just to make it simple for everyone we'll call it a mask. As for the machine, it's called a CPAP (pronounced SEE-pap). I prefer to give it some flare by pronouncing it ka-PAP!!

I can't tell you how many times over the last couple months I've heard people say after learning about my situation, "Hey, you'll kinda be like Darth Vader with that [insert lame DV breathing impression here] going on." I've heard that almost as many times as I've heard, "Hey, you kinda look like Tim Kirk with that bald head and gotee." I get it and it's not funny anymore. Lately, I've been responding with...

Yeah, instead of "Luke, I am your father," it's more like, "Hey, Baby, I am your Daddy... your Sugar Daddy." [insert DV breathing sounds]

That kind of creeps them out and they shut up.

In any case, it seems like it's working. I have a lot more energy since I'm actually getting more than 12 minutes of deep sleep each night and I'm a lot less of a turd towards people. More on this later. I have some thoughts floating around about control and perception of reality and other crap.

Regardless of what's happening with the Sleep Apnea and the Epstien-Barr I realize things could be a lot worse for me and there are people out there who are actually suffering daily. Even though I have to sleep with a mask everyday and the implications of the EBV, I know I don't have to worry about having weeks or months to live or whether I'm going to keep my food down today. This is a minor inconvenience compared to what ails other people. I hesitate to even write about this stuff because it really just is a pittance in the grand drama of life. However, it's my world, my face that has to be strapped into it for 6-8 hours a day, and my reality. But, you will probably never hear me mention it again unless something significant happens, which it won't.

I am SO there!

2005-06-09T10:01:00.000-04:00

http://www.ahcca.unimelb.edu.au/Superheroes/

Alright, who's going with me? I think I might actually take my son who claims to have six super powers, which include screaming loud and sticking to the floor.

Get with the program, Churches!

2005-05-23T16:09:00.000-04:00

"Crossroads" is becoming the new "First Baptist." Let's be original, people! Maybe that's why your churches aren't growing -- your obvious lack of exhibiting creative thought.

Me Want Sleepy! Me Need Nappy!

2005-05-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

After a couple visits to the doctor, some phone calls, and an over-night visit to a sleep clinic, I found out I've been served a double cocktail of Sleep Apnea and Epstein-Barr Syndrome. The cruel irony is that the best remedy for the Epstein-Barr virus is sleep and rest but Sleep Apnea prevents me from getting the sleep that I need.

Now, I'm faced with the decision to wear a mask every night to keep my breathing so I can actually tool around in the deep sleep stage for a little while. A bonus for my wife and the neighborhood is that it would eliminate my snoring. I think I will explore some surgical options because I'm not too thrilled about going to sleep every night feeling like I'm being smothered by an octopus.

By the way, this afternoon is sponsored by Starbucks.

Doctor Visit

2005-04-18T11:22:00.000-04:00

I just made an appointment with the doctor for this Friday. I don't know how anyone else is but when I take my car to the mechanic it's usually to fix many problems. "Well, I need both inspections AND I need my oil changed AND I'll need my front tires replaced AND you might as well replace my entire exhaust system AND take care of my brakes." This is one of those doctor appointments for me.

Awkward Situations

2005-03-04T21:05:00.000-05:00

I found myself walking through a retail store the other day and I was walking in step with the music over the loud speaker. I suddenly felt like I was the star character in the music video part of a bad made-for-TV movie. I had to break my stride and look at something so I wouldn't look like a fool.

VDay

2005-02-15T12:12:00.000-05:00

For some reason, my wife and I received several telephone calls between 9:00 and 11:00 PM last evening, Valentine's Day. What? You don't think ANYTHING is happening late in the evening on Valentine's Day at the Book household?