When husbands are home alone

Things that happen when husbands are left home alone for seven days

• Popcorn and/or cereal for dinner
• New hobby: mooching at friend's house
• Wear clothes two days in a row
• Multiple daily trips to Home Depot
• Other side of bed becomes a convenient place to pile things
• Laundry is done in two loads: with skidmarks and without
• In order to conserve water, only flush toilet once each day
• I'm able to find things I've handled within the last few days because they're exactly where I put them
• Out of pity, friends come over and clean your house
• Television shows re-runs of Dukes of Hazard 24/7
• Food supply is depleted except for vegetables and anything that contains the words lite, low-, or reduced
• Friends who visit complain of having to see my fundies lying on the bathroom floor
• For fear of messing up the house, activities are restricted to using the bathroom only when necessary, eating small meals at the kitchen table, and sitting in only one location in the living room to read or watch television. Everything else must be done outside
• Experiment with arrangement of furniture for optimal surround sound movie experience. Return furniture to original location before wife returns
• Feel cool driving around in the nice car. Think of ways to convince her to let me keep driving it
• Leave nightlight on while sleeping. I just don't feel safe being home all by myself in this big, scary house
• Day 7: Go through fridge and throw away leftovers you said you'd eat so she doesn’t find out you ate pizza, wings, and subs instead
• Simulate epic LOTR battle using legos, army men, and G.I. Joes
• Call all your friends to see if they want to "hang out" only to find they all have to babysit while their wives scrapbook
• Leave toilet seat up. Chuckle.