Matt as defined by Google

I was instructed to Google (yes, we have officially made Google a verb) the words "Matt is" including the quotes. Following is a list of some interesting things I've found. Things make more sense to me now that I know my true self.

Matt is an award-winning writer and photographer.
Matt is the straight-edge, Catholic raver/virgin.
Matt is the one associating Republicans with extremists.
Matt is looking for a few good strategists.
Matt is gone.
Matt is also offering his services as a consultant.
Matt is also recording in a classic format with exciting new results.
Matt is sexier than Paul?
Matt is becoming frustrated.
Matt is a little edgy at first, but then the monster reassures him that he is a friendly monster.
Matt is young and energetic, and has a real passion for poker.
Matt is also one half of Schwervon.
Matt is buried alongside his canary in the cemetary.
Matt is loved by the residents of Portland.
Matt is getting back into it.
Matt is able to speak knowledgeably of his own progress because of his frequent appearances in the hospital's weekly limb deficiency clinic.
Matt is perhaps best known as a television meteorologist.
Matt is learning to become a skilled hunter from Attean.
Matt is really making his mark as a leader of bass recordings that may change the face of his instrument.
Matt is an exemplary young man in all facets.
Matt is miserable with his life of one night stands.
Matt is very adept at getting what he wants.
Matt is buying beer for everyone who attends his party in Pouce Coupe, BC.
Matt is a clone of El Patron, a powerful drug lord of the land of Opium.
Matt is obsessed with chairs.
Matt is spending far too much time quietly sharpening his machete.
Matt is treated as inhuman by most people.