Things Matt Can't Do

I can't...

• do impressions of famous people or foreign accents
• draw worth crap
• get no satisfaction
• seem to keep my car/desk/inbox/dresser/etc. clean
• talk intelligently about the current football season
• remember Don Henley's name whenever I hear one of his songs
  
• iron clothes
• use a garlic press without breaking it
• tolerate country music