Modem Constipation

Ah, gotta love broadband! My DSL is back up and running and not a moment too soon. Three days of dial-up is about as much as I can stand in one lifetime. I hope I never have to go back. It reminds me of when I was at King's Island with my girlfriend back in high school. We were in line for a roller coaster standing behind two guys in tight, short shorts who apparently were "differently-oriented" in a "together" sort of way. Insert your own euphemism here. It became apparent they were gay when they started talking about a hot girl walking by. The conversation went something like this...

"Oooo. She's nice. Don't you think she's hot?"

"Yeah, she's hot. [pause] Sometimes I look at someone like that and wish I could turn back. Don't you think about it sometimes?"

"Sometimes I do but I know I can't go back."

Uh, ewwww. All that to say now that I'm on broadband I'll never switch back to dial-up. Not that there's anything wrong with it. (get it, Seinfeld fans?) I can't go back. I just can't do it.

Allow me to compare my experience over the last few days to an old man on a fiber diet. Everyday the man gets his fiber, greases the pipes, and drops his boys off at the pool with lightning speed. It's all good. Then, his wife decides to buy a pack of cigarettes instead of his Colon Blow cereal and now he's backed up like Manhattan during rush hour. I've just endured modem constipation for three days and now I'm all greased up and good to go.