Christmas Tips for Guys Who Want to Avoid the Dog House

A friend mentioned to me the other day that it was 90 days until Christmas. After about 12 minutes of daydreaming about cookies and other festive treats, I wiped the drool off my chin and began to think about what's ahead for the holiday season. It means climbing up into my attic, which is no less difficult than ascending the exterior of a brick two story building with your bare hands, a couple times a week for the next three months fetching decorations and knick-knacks pertaining to three different holidays. It also means envying the neighbors who have neglected to take down their Christmas decor from last year... or from four years ago.

Most importantly, it means getting a head start on Christmas shopping for my wife. I've learned a couple things over the last few years that might help you guys if you haven't figured this out already. I've endured too many sexless nights as a result of waiting until the last minute and have come dangerously close to resorting to gifting a can of soup, an assortment of candy bars, or a convenient store road atlas. So, here are some tips to keep you out of the dog house this Christmas season.

1. Observe your wife
   No, don't check out her caboose, but listen to her and observe the things she talks about. If she's flipping through a magazine, notice the things she points out to you. If you're in the store, pay attention when she shows you a sweater that she likes. When you're at home, listen to her when she says things like, "I wish I had..." or "I really need a..." or "[Some item or piece of clothing] is getting worn out." Otherwise, you will be stuck with trying to conjure up gift ideas in a moment of frustration and despair.
   
2. Write it down
   Keep a list of ideas in your wallet or PDA. Whenever she mentions something or you get an idea, add it to that list. Do not lose the list.
3. Start shopping
   We want to avoid the Christmas rush in the stores if possible but we also want to make sure we don't miss out on deals when they're available. Don't be afraid to make gift purchases in October. This helps even out the Christmas budget by spreading it out over several paychecks (for those of you, like myself, who don't have Christmas club savings accounts).
   
4. Keep shopping
   Once you've purchased something, keep watching the prices for that item so you can get a better deal. Many stores will do price matching up to 30 days from the date of purchase. If they lower the price or you find a better price in a different store, they will credit you for the difference. If they don't do price matching, return the gift and buy it at the lower price. Waiting until the last minute doesn't afford you this option and you'll pay whatever the price is at the time.
5. Purchase more than you need
   Don't be afraid to buy more gifts than you were planning on giving her for Christmas. Save some back for Valentine's Day, her birthday, or another occasion. Spare yourself the headache later and quietly gloat in your thoughtfulness.
   
6. Don't buy yourself gifts and give them to her
   Women can see right through this foolishness. Your wife most likely never asked for an XBOX game, a cordless drill, or an mp3 player so don't buy her one thinking you'll get some use out of it. If you want one of these yourself, save your own money and buy it, you cheap, selfish loser.
7. Don't buy something that creates more work
   Guys don't mind getting more tools and better tools to help them do work around the house. It feeds our ego and makes us feel like men. Women, for the most part, don't seem to like it and even take offense to it. Let's say your wife unwraps a brand new mixer on Christmas morning. She initially expresses false delight but quickly gets defensive and responds, "What? Are you trying to say something about my cooking? You don't think my cooking is good enough? Do you think I need help?! I slave every day cooking and cleaning...." You get the idea. Unless she specifically requests it, avoid these types of gifts. In fact, avoid anything that could be offensive to her. Such gifts include small kitchen appliances, cleaning supplies, and anything that has to do with weight-loss or exercise.
8. Be careful buying clothes
   If your wife has a hard time finding clothes for herself, so will you so. This is a landmine you don't want to step on. Ask her to put something on layaway and then purchase it later. Sure, it takes the surprise out of it at least both of you are confident she's getting the right size, color, style, etc. You could always purchase a gift certificate to your local mall or favorite store and let her do her own shopping. Some think a gift certificate is impersonal but it gives them the thrill of shopping without the guilt of spending money (if your wife has that affliction. Fortunately, mine does.).