Krispy Kreme = Krappy Koffee

"Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc. said Wednesday quarterly earnings rose nearly 50 percent as higher prices and improved coffee helped sweeten sales."

I think someone needs to inform the Klarks Summit Krispy Kreme. They obviously didn't get that memo. Improved koffee? I'd hate to taste what it was like BEFORE they improved it. It kan't be any worse than the Summit Family Restaurant down the street who strains their koffee through sweaty socks.

The koffee at Krispy Kreme has the konsistency of 10W40 and the strength of an industrial solvent that I'm not even allowed to purchase as a konsumer. Actually, KK, not to be konfused with the KKK (although I may be on to something) has three levels of their liquid torture. Each is determined by how long it takes to burn a hole through 1" thick steel. I'd actually like to go through the drive-thru and order "a month-long ulser with kream and sugar" and see what they give me.

Everybody knows it's bad but they go there anyway because of their donuts. So, they're stuck with the koffee because they're too lazy to go somewhere else. People normally don't shop for koffee and donuts like they shop for groceries. It's a one-stop deal for most people. Not me. When I'm in the market for a kup o' java and a donut (or a bagel), I make a kouple stops to make sure my early- to mid-morning feast is nothing less than delicious.

As for KK, no matter how much the Siren's song of the red "Hot" sign beckons me, I will not stop.

Whatever Happened to Subliminal Man?

My good buddy, BRLII, brought up a good question: whatever happened to subliminal man? I think this is the theme of my life right now and representative of some things I've been going through.

Some background. When I was in college I would frequently give announcements to the entire student body in the form of Subliminal Man modeled after Kevin Nealon's character on Saturday Night Live from many years ago. I think I have two legacies from college: Subliminal Man and playing Van Halen from the bell tower on my synthesizer for the entire campus to hear. Ten years later I still hear, "Oh, you were the guy who...."

Looking back on those days I realize I'm a lot different than I was then. Better? Probably not. I used to be fun, a little outgoing, a bit crazy, and a lot friendlier. Why the change? No idea. All I know is that I've been in a funk for about 5 years and it's only been about six months since I've realized it.

Exerpt from one of my fav movies:

Ray Zalinski: Goin' a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there kid?
Tommy Boy: No, it's an auto air freshener!
Ray: Good. Good, you've pinpointed it. Now the next step is washin' it off!

Now I just have to figure out how to get out of this funk and see about returning to my old, fun self. We're on a quest for Subliminal Man.

Home Star Runner vs. Happy Tree Friends

I'm a Home Star Runner fan. If you haven't seen the site, go there now and spend about a week delving into its greatness. Like many people I've talked to, the Strong Bad e-mails are my favorite. Again, if you don't know what I'm talking about, get thee hence!

Recently, someone introduced me to another site, Happy Tree Friends, comparing it to Home Star Runner. She said things like, "Home Star Runner is so dumb. Happy Tree Friends is waaaaay better. It's a lot funnier than..." Blah blah blah. Whatever. I wasn't listening.

I've had a chance to observe both sites and I've come to the conclusion that my initial analysis was correct: Home Star Runner RuLeZ! Here's why:

1. Better character development. Gotta love the characters on HSR. HTF have no personalities... or they're all pretty much the same.
2. Kid-friendly. HTF is just sick. It's like Looney Toons meets Freddy Kruger; they draw up a business plan and launch a Flash site.
3. Good, funny stories. HSR keeps me coming back. It's hilarious. HTF is all the same.
4. It appeals to my intellect. HSR has good, smart writing. HTF is mindless.

Go and see for yourself.

Kickin' this thing off

I've been sitting at this computer for more than a half an hour trying to craft a message to post. I had about four paragraphs written but I deleted them because I didn't like what I was saying and how I was saying it. I guess this is why I've never written lyrics to a song or put any profound words on paper in the form of a poem or any other type of writing.

So, for my first post on this thing I give you...

...hello...